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Loss. Who hasnt experienced loss in some form or fashion in their life. Its apart of life and if taken in stride, has the ability to make us stronger from the experience, a lesson to learn an improve upon.
All thats easy to say until the loss is closer to home then previously felt. And what kind of lesson can possibly be learned from the loss of a loved one? Of course there has to be one, but such knowledge does not do much to comfort the heart.
At the end of 2014 an beginning of 2015 my little brother was
unfortunately incarcerated with me in washington state prisons.
I feel like I should have been able to say more to reach him so he didnt get out thinking it was ok to get back involved with the game.
When I caught this case he was only thirteen, still one of my snotty lil brothers, to young to be in the streets with me so I overlooked him, I was to absorbed by the lures the game disillusioned me with give my lil bros the love an attention they needed.
I believe that lack of attention, to some extent, helped influence their decission to follow in our older brother an my footsteps, choosing the streets over their basketball scholorships in an attempt to gain
recogination an acceptance from the brothers they subconsciously were still seeking attention from. I believe this cause, to a certian degree I know that is also apart of what lead me in the same direction.
On 12/27/15 my lil brother was shot an killed in the early morning behind the wheel of his car.
I blame myself… All my family are pleading with me to remain calm and not lash out, but I already know this! Who do they expect me to lash out at? Another inmate, what will getting in a fight accomplish, it wont bring my brother back and nobody in here is personally responsible for his death.
I cant lash out at the guards or the counslors, they are not the ones saying I cant go to my brothers funural. Its this messed up system, the system that my previous actions chose to lead me to be apart of. My thinking errors and criminal decissions chose this reality.
Its nobodys fault but my own that Im not there to console my family, to console my step mother, to be able to say goodbye or bury my brother. That burden rests on my shoulders, so I already know not to lash out at nobody else.
Its messed up, what makes me especially mad is being denied the chance to say goodbye. For no other reason then safety of the D.O.C. transport officers. The premise of their denial sounds good But its no secret that the dept. of corrections is constantly overusing the pretense of ‘Safety’ to get around whatever they do or dont want.
Its sickening. They say because my bro was a known gang member, but there is NO proof that the crime was gang related. The assumption of such, does not warrent the denial of allowing me to appear at the service.
Then they say, ‘well there has been no arrests made in the case so its possible the funural may be shot up.’ What! Where are we? last time I checked this was not the movies, or extremly violent 80’s or early 90’s. When is the last time a shooting took place at a funural in
washington state? That does not sound like a common occurance.
And what are the transport officers doing wearing body armor for and getting paid time an a half for? Obviously they are prepared for any potential threat and getting paid extra for the extra risk factors involved. These people continue to amaze me with their askewed reasoning. Whats the body armor for if not to be prepared? Is it a show meant to threaten or intimidate? If so, who are they trying to threaten an
intimidate? Us inmates, our families, the same public they attempt to convience that they are trying to protect? Please..
Then they wonder why there is this anomisity againist the ‘system’ underlying our thoughts an behavior. They breed this into us! They pretend to be focused on reform an corrections , yet condition more sickness into our minds then they cure!
Its no wonder alot of our sleep walking brothas an sistas get out of prison from serving a minimum sentence for a non-violent crime, then within a year or two are back for a extremely violent crime facing a maximum sentence or dead in the streets.
If a person isnt wise enough to recognize what this system an the people who uphold this system are doing to them, then they are bound to fall victim to it.
I went through the whole process I just mentioned, which is why I can see it clearly. Recidivism is an all to real disease plaguing our communities just like drug use.
I had previously did a couple years for a non-violent delivery of a controlled substance only to get out then come back for a violent gun crime.
I too was laying in a puddle of my own blood, luckily I survived those gunshots only to face years behind bars.
My experiences are supposed to be examples for others to learn from, but now I question, how can I expect to reach others if I cant even reach my own family?! I couldnt even reach my own bro, I swear his story is like deja vu to me except he wasnt as lucky as I. If you consider a twenty six year prison sentence lucky.
From behind the razor wire fences an cinder blocked walls to the pearly gates an golden halls, this is Marcus ‘Mindful’ Altheimer sending my love to Andres ‘Dre’ Altheimer. R.I.P. Lil bro
Marcus Altheimer
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