“Memoirs Of A Meth Addict” By: Difference (Aka: James Kelly)

I just wanted to tell some more about stuff I’ve seen, been through, done etc…
I’ve been using meth off and on sense I was about 13-14 yrs old. It takes you to some place in your mind, where you just don’t think or care about ANYTHING! This isn’t just where you don’t care about other people, responsibility, what your doing or going through. You become self destructive. You couple care less about yourself or what happens to you. You for sure don’t love, take care of or care about yourself. So you sure can’t care about others. You lose all morals, integrity, ambition etc…You just never want to come back to reality. You would do anything to just keep going. It doesn’t matter that you are broke, homeless, hungry, wanted by the law. You just never want to come out of the abyss you are in. This drug is wicked it will change you and everyone you know. See love and loyalty are have to qualities for me. So I guess I just thought I was being loyal to everyone, even when I was using. Just because I wasn’t like everyone else. I wasn’t stealing, being shady, not on “shard-alliance”, wasn’t talking crap about people behind their back, then hanging out with them etc…But I wasn’t loving and taking care of myself. I didn’t even like myself when I was using. So I can’t expect anyone else to live up to my expectations, when I wasn’t living up to my own standards.
So all I know, all I can say is stay away from this drug, it will steal your soul, your happiness, your ambition. You won’t have any feelings left. Either you will feel too much, or not at all.
I just had to learn all of this myself. There is “Life After Meth”. You just have to really decide that you are done, that living below your own standards, just isn’t good enough for you any longer. I just hope and pray my children never have to go through this addiction.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

James Kelly
DOC #59979

2 replies »

  1. Loyalty and love are the two hardest things to find in people. I have always been the same way, I don’t lie, cheat, or steal. I feel like considering my life choices I should have done became what most addicts become, a liar, a cheater, or a thief. I was a meth addict after I turned 18. Only lasted a couple of years before I got married and stopped doing drugs. Now even though I wasn’t doing drugs, not even smoking pot, I became a functional alcoholic. I had a water bottle filled with vodka in it so people didn’t know. I put vodka in my coffee every morning and I went to the bar every night. When my husband and I split I felt free. I could do whatever I wanted. Within a year of feeling free I stopped drinking completely, became an opiates addict, and the icing was becoming and IV user. Eventually I met some people who did meth, and no surprise, been a daily user of it since. This probably doesn’t make sense, but meth helped me kick the opiate habit. I got through the detox without killing anyone. I justify using meth by saying stuff like, I don’t get dopesick, I don’t need to use every day… I only do it everyday because it’s readily available, given to me daily, and I don’t have to pay for it. I know I am not in any better shape now than 5 years ago, but for some reason I feel accomplished. I think the only difference is the drug I’m doing, the fact I am aware I have a problem and I want better for myself. I guess I should probably go to a treatment center since j haven’t been sober since I was 14 but I was able to kick drug habits before I just need to find something other than alcohol to replace it with. Good read, thank you for sharing 😁


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