why by John Higgins

why is it after all this time do I still get that biting earge to get high.its not a daily thing, it comes from no where and hits me like a truck.I could be sitting here watching Ellen then the next thing I know I’m thinking and dope.then the thought goes to a craving and I can feel my minx start to slip down the rabbit hole.god is that hole ugly and dark.there’s some days I wanna just say f it.its not about giving up its the chance of wondering if it would be different this time.but come on, it would always be the same.despair and lonlyness.its insanity at its best in my head.but the difference now is I kinda control of the wheel and I I can steer myself back on track.think about this, I was released from prison June 30 of 2009 and I was right back in July 13. ya that’s only thirteen days.and guess what the main reason was.ding ding ding, drugs.but today is a different day and I’m tired of the bs.I’m retired from the game and the future is only bright.well as bright as it can be.being a addict sucks and it doesn’t disappear when you quit getting high.the crazy thing is it reappears in other ways.I realized I loved to gamble. is that a good thing.well not in my world.see I can’t win and just walk away.I’ll win then lose that plus double.ha ha.I guess that’s the way it will always be.have a good day.I’ll write more soon.

John Higgins
DOC #573-408

3 replies »

  1. Not looking back on your past is A Very Hard Thing To Do.. Realizing That The Time Lost Forever Can Never Be Regained .. Not Able To speak With Those You Have Wronged – Just Leaves Open Enough Space For Depression, Anxiety’s. JUST KNOW YOU ARE VERY WORTHY OF A FRESH START!


  2. Addiction is a beast. I speak from personal experience. My addiction of choice was not drugs…but porn. Research has shown that each of these addictions have the same impact on a person’s brain. So the urges come and go…some times it is stronger than at others. I found freedom from my addiction through embracing my faith more…and learning to live one day at a time. I think one of the biggest problems is that we attempt to tackle the issue head on and hardcore until the moment that the momentum fizzles out one day and we do not feel the strength to abstain that we had the day before. I had to depend on the God’s strength, not my own. It did not happen overnight, and continues to be a daily decision in which I must choose correctly. Does it mean that I have always gotten it right? Absolutely not. It just means that I have had to be intentional about my daily decisions and actions.

    I’m praying for you and wishing you the best in your endeavors.


  3. yeah, addiction can come back to you at funny times. Be prepared for it, I guess, and know how to get through that moment. All the best.


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