“I’m so dumb..” I say this to myself when I think about the past. I can think back to when I use to ride my bike and pop wheelies. Sometimes it went the way a wheelie is suppose to go but sometimes it didn’t. I still got a scare under my chin from the front tire coming off the bike in the middle of a wheelie. Life is full of mistakes no doubt and its full of regret even if we don’t want to admit it. I regret the lifestyle I was living that led me down the road which ultimately led me to prison. Really what I think about the most is my kids and being married. I always wonder what if. I love my kids to my last days.. well even after my last days. But I think about my past relationships and the mistakes and things I did wrong. Its relationships that shouldn’t have even happened and there’s a couple that shouldn’t have ended. Being surrounded by so many people and still able to always feel alone is crazy. I barely smile and now that I can wear an actual mask I don’t have to talk to anyone or smile for that matter. Despite the growth spiritually and mentally, my emotional state has weakened. Hopes of love and someone to call my own is slim. How do I explain the flaw of being an ex convict? I know my focus should be work and education but I don’t want to be alone and free after being alone and locked up. Sometimes I get that feeling like its all gone but IMA get back everything I loss and more with time. Behind every strong man is a strong woman.
Listening to, “Catch the Sun” By: Lil Baby
Mr. Da’Von Motley Sr. #707-119
Allen Correctional Institution
P.O. Box 4501
Lima, OH 45802