Its been 5 years since I’ve had the opportunity to be with my babies besides a visit or family day. Its going on 2 years that I haven’t seen my oldest daughter and my son and over 2 years that I haven’t seen my second oldest daughter. They may be older now but they will always be my babies. I really hate that so much time has passed by and that I’ve miss so much of their lives. It’s time that I’ll never be able to get back. There’s memories missed that I’ll never be able to share with them. Its so much pain that they will have to deal with and its pain that they are dealing with now that I can’t help fight like I need and want to. As time passes by all I think about is the possibility that my relationship with my babies will be repaired and get stronger than ever. That its not as bad as I make it seem. That maybe I’m just anxious and thinking of the worst case all the time. When I was growing up my father was in and out of prison and he wasn’t in a relationship with my mother so you can imagine how active he was in my life. To add fuel to the fire I have in my opinion around 40 brothers and sisters. Yes 40, mostly sisters but that’s a lot of siblings. I say this because I never had any feelings about not seeing my dad or being apart of his world because that was never an option. I never knew how it felt to love him or miss him or know that he will be there for me because that wasn’t the type of relationship I had with my father. Since my son was born he because all I knew. From day one he was attached to my side like one of those motorcycles witth the side seat attached to it. I remember holding him with one arm and how little he was and how innocent he was and still is. I wasn’t able to be there for my daughter from birth because I wasn’t aware I had another daughter until she was 4. So imagine how I felt finding out about this beautiful smart little girl who looks just like her “little brother”. Yes she’s older than my son. The fact of the matter is that my oldest is 13, they are both 9. My 13 year old is not biologically mine but I’ve been there for her since she was 2 years old. She made me a dad before I was a dad. She made an impression on me that made me look at life from a different lens. I still had my flaws and I still ran the streets but I made sure my kids knew that I’ll do anything for them and always be here for them. As time went on I made sure they did well in school and at home and in the area where we lived as well as where ever they may go. They all are very well behaved and smart respectful babies. I miss and love them so much. I MISS AND LOVE YALL SO MUCH!! One day you may read this and I just want you to know that I’m always always always thinking about the 3 of y’all. I’m heartbroken each and everyday that passes by that I’m not able to be with y’all. I miss y’all smiles and laughs and jokes and stories and questions and y’all correcting me and teaching me something new and us playing and going to parks and playing games and cards and video games and cooking and making cookies and watching TV and movies and going places and running through Walmart or just us all falling asleep on the couch and me having to take y’all to y’all rooms and tuck y’all in. SMH.. I really am sorry that I’ve made mistakes but I promise y’all that Ive learned my lesson and I’m going to put my best foot forward for y’all always. I’ll never disrespect y’all mothers because they are strong women to raise y’all while I’m away and that’s a lot on their shoulders so just know things will get better. Always love your mothers and help them and make them proud as well and I’m sure they are proud!! This distance isn’t forever but just know my love is!! I love y’all and I’m proud of y’all and I want y’all to always know that and know that even though you might not hear from me.. I’m always going to let it be known that y’all mean the world to me and I’m going to always put forth all my effort to be apart of y’all lives no matter what!!! I’ll be free soon my babies and inshaAllah we can build a better relationship then. Be safe kiddos and stay beautiful my young princesses and stay handsom my young prince!!!! I love and miss y’all soo sooo soooo much!!!! *DAD*

Da’Von Joshua Motley Sr. (RaQeeb)
ODRC #707-119
Allen Correctional Institution
P.O. Box 4501
Lima, OH 45802