Does any one have a dictionary they can donate? mine is in pieces and missing pages and I’m a terrible speller….please

I have been writing silly poems and excoriating political articles and bemoaning in depressed rambles , but now I want to address a serious issue which means a lot to me and is a problem I have felt helpless about for sometime , having wanted to do something about it but unable to do anything because of my position as a prisoner…I wore out my welcome with the few I sought psychological refuge with in here , and at first I found myself about to fall into a despair of self pity… . Then I saw the A&E episode of the Jonbenet case and it reminded me there are events exceeding the significance of my personal problems.
I have been bothered by this crime for sometime. I have followed the case since the beginning and I want to mention now that it is not just her case , but the multitude of cases like hers. Many people criticized the general public for its morbid fascination with this particular case for several reasons.One of the more unsettling ones did indeed seem to have a little harsh truth to it…The public was outraged and appalled by the brutal murder of a little white girl that came from a wealthy prominent family. How many tragic and violent deaths of innocent children of other races and ethnic groups or unknown victims that resided in the shadows of anonymity and poverty occurred before and since her death? The efflorescent effort to make this fact known should not lesson the heartbreak of Jonbenets’ death but only ignite resolve in anyone capable or interested in helping prevent and solve these cases. There are no immediately viable methods for the prompt resolution of these cases , especially the cold cases. The only thing the interested reader can do is search the internet looking for sites that post updated information on them and attempt to generate continued interest. With Jonbenets case a retired homicide detective named Lou Smit was making progress in homing in on a narrowed list of suspects. They now have a usable DNA profile and actually have determined that the DNA PROFILE belongs to a Hispanic person. Unfortunately Lou Smit passed away awhile ago , with the information of the case being left unfinished with his family. There is no mention of whether or not his family has turned over the data to any law enforcement agency. If they did I hope it was not the Boulder department because they were adamant it was the parents. It has been reasonably proven that a intruder committed the terrible act. I plead with any reader whom is not your average pedestrian citizen but in possession of a special kind of curiosity and desire to help along the justice for some lost soul and search around the internet and play amateur detective to see if you can stir the pot and possibly add a clue to a unsolved murder case. Another one I would like to see solved is the Indiana case involving those two teenage girls that were tragically killed in the woods. There is a picture of the killer and no one – somehow .- seems to know this guy. Go to the site and look at him. Find a victim , black , Hispanic , Asian , Indian, white , and see if you can find one little missing piece to the puzzle. When your bored look through social media sites and see if any one is posting inappropriate pictures of young children and if so call the FBI.Pediphiles post this stuff all over , I watched nightline special on it.
There have been approximately 100 billion souls brought to this world over its entire history. It is clear not everyone is born under equal conditions and have the same opportunities. Life is certainly not fair and we seem to be at the mercy of an impassive impetus that governs our lives and the circumstances which we find ourselves. And I mean this in general because at some point most people at some point find themselves in a position to alter the course of their life in one way or another , either for good or for bad. I’m a prime example of someone who lost control of the wheel and crashed out into a very bad direction. I had every chance to live a nice quiet life and I simply screwed it up. But there are many who have to struggle against all the inauspicious conditions life could bring up against them and had to fight tooth and nail in order to rise above such hostile circumstances. This happens here in our own country ,as well as in foreign lands. If there is a god as is described in the religious sense , I have failed to see the auspices of its signs. This is not to say there is no god , for I believe in a god who generated the physical universe from noumena ( pure intellect) via the big bang. Our scientists seem to want to eliminate any notion of god all together and attribute this eternal abyss we exist to just nature herself. I think it is god’s nature we exist in.
The scientists say we have no soul , but merely a mind produced from our brains neural network. But these scientists lack the vision and insight that only a few like Roger Penrose and Stuart Hameroff have that allows them to peer beyond the immediate appearance of a shallow pond and see there is a much deeper ocean beneath . After you accept that the neural activity in the brain that arises as a consequence of classical physics is only the surface of a profound well based on quantum physics deep ocean , you can realize even though our minds are entrapped in this temporal network of the brain, we are not merely finite machines but are in possession of souls capable of looking far out into the dark beyond the stars and can create meaningful visions out of our hopes and dreams. Because our brains are only the vestibule to an eternal spirit we are imbued with our hopes and dreams can be elevated to being extolled as revealing the importance of the underlying psychology that culminates in the ethereal quality of our psyche. And so it is these things which can be said to be the springboard to the edifice of where we appertain to the datum of our soul.
The philosopher Plato wrote about eternal unchanging truths and ideals that exist in a realm outside of space and time. We have access to these ideals through our intellect. The philosopher Kant said we could not cognize certain objects that may be beyond the range of our brains cognitive ability, but we could “think ” most things. We feel love through our brains ability to produce certain emotions by facilitating a chemical reaction.But this does not mean to feel “love” is merely a superficial experience that will fade with the brains chemical concoction. We are experiencing an extant abstraction of the ideal of love which ultimately subsist in this spiritual world and it can be lifted above the mere sensual and placed in our own subjective pure intellect where it is perpetuated as a permanent part of us . When two people find that feeling while in the company of each other it is god or natures’ way of eliciting the sensual desire but once that is firmly set in motion inside the brain it enters our mind and can then be intellectualized and this can be long lasting. This is what motivates us as individuals and as a society to sometimes set aside the less facetious feelings and interact with the comfort of a more generous facet of our nature and reach out and help each other.
How many of those 100 billion souls came to earth without the opportunity to know love or peace of mind? I imagine the past faceless lives that suffered from disease of the body or mind or born into the miserable hell of unpleasant circumstances. We all have glimpsed that lost soul that looks past you as they writhe in mental anguish and are tormented by unimaginable demons tearing away at their mind. Only the faded vestiges of a soul remains visible in their eyes as they wander aimlessly along without any purposive direction. Death’s shadow seems poised over them at the ready, perhaps an act of mercy , per chance to end their hell. Will they then find peace in death ? My guess is god or nature is not so cruel and another chance will be given. The universe is filled with strangeness we could not even begin to conceive of. I personally believe we are all born and die in a continuous cycle.
I am being overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness regarding some of these matters. So many things are out of my control just as an inmate , this in addition to things out of my control in every respect. Every time I think I might find some way to express the desire to improve my relations with others it is misconstrued as suspicious. When I see the Jonbenet case and think it must be in the order next of serendipitously being solved by a DNA hit, another couple of years go by without incident. I guess we have to accept certain events are out of our control. I hope some day I’ll turn the t.v. on and see that some one has been arrested. I would like someone to look up Lou Smits family and ask what became of the evidence he has collected. Smit and his family believed the suspects name was in his files. Not everyone has been eliminated as a match for the DNA profile.
I am writing a book named ” where the oxycontin are ” about my crime spree. I became severely addicted to oxycontin and started robbing banks and pharmacies. In the book I endeavor to explain my behavior and find some kind of absolution for my crimes . I am halfway done and as soon as it is complete it will be published on Amazon books. I explain the day to day misery of being a addict whose life is consumed with figuring out where to obtain the drug of addiction. I make an acount of each robbery and write of my thoughts before , during and after each one. I hope to discourage any present or current addicts from continuing down that desperate road. I am trying to make it somewhat dynamical with discussions outside of that of just drug use. I even attempt an exiguous bit of humor , very scant , while I have a sense of humor , I know that is one of the hardest things to write. I recollect about a few romantic experiences and describe my induction into a criminal life at a very early age, though it is only very petty stuff followed by a long period of a normal life where I worked , bought a house before the age of 30 and lived a very ordinary life. I fondly recall my get out of jail woman , my old school biker boss who owned the bar sent to me, I was 19 and she was 45 And very experienced. I did 30 days in the county for a commercial b&e. that marked the end of my criminal career. I would work and go through a few crappy places to live before I willed my self a two story brick house out in the country on two acres of land . It was my own personal paradise. I was single and living in a decent place. …Then I would move a party girl who was my best friends ex into the house , quit my job and become so dependent on oxys I was willing to betray every sense of decency I was taught by my parents as a kid and walk into businesses with a gun and just take what I wanted. And I completely fell off the deep end. I am the only criminal in the family , no one else has been to jail or prison, not my parents , siblings , aunts or uncles or cousins… so how did it happen to me?

Travis Smith
DOC #529433