For the longest, I’ve tried my best to keep people in my life. I’ve done everything I know how to do, but for some odd reason, people keep leaving. As time passed and the pattern continued, I began to think something was wrong with me. I began to think it was something I was doing, something I wasn’t doing, something I was as a man or something I wasn’t that was driving them away. Eventually, I saw the fallacy of that notion and I realized what the real answer to my question was. I was trying to control something even God chose not to tamper with. Free will. No one can be made to do anything they don’t want to do. Even with a gun to their head or some other threat of imminent death or subsequent punishment if they don’t concede to the wishes of the other person, the person still has a choice. They can concede to the other’s demands, propose something different that will benefit them both, fight back or die. They still have free will. No amount of manipulation, and not even the cold hands of possible death can steal that, so what makes other people think they can? You can’t force or manipulate anyone into being in your life. The only way people are going to be around you is if they want to and make the choice to make an effort to. It’s not up to you to “do” things to keep them around because nothing you do will keep somebody who doesn’t want to be there or somebody isn’t supposed to be there. It’s up to them to be there. What is up to you is living your life in the way that will make you the happiest, and that happiness shouldn’t be predicated on whether or not certain people are around you. You just have to trust that the people who want to be there and are supposed to be there, will be. You can’t spend time trying to hold on to people who probably aren’t supposed to be there in the first place or people who are perpetually detrimental to you. This goes for family, friends and everyone in between. Some people are brought into your life for a purpose and then they’re gone. Others are brought into your life for the long run. You have to allow life to reveal to you which are there for the sprint and which are there for the marathon. Sometimes we use so much energy clinging to others for whatever reason, that we don’t have the energy to see that they don’t fit where we’re trying to put them. For instance, a man may want a woman to be his woman, They’ve been good friends for a long time and her place in his life is to be that good friend that everyone needs. An attempt to make her into anything else could very well destroy that relationship and their friendship also. That concept applies to everything in our lives, but emotions distort this truth. They color our vision. They move us to do things that aren’t logical and that will sometimes do more harm than good in the long run. How many times has anger done that to you? How many times has love? What about depression? We have to stop looking at the people in our lives as instruments or tools to craft our happiness. We have to stop trying to put people where we want them to be in our life and let them be where they’re supposed to be, even if that means they’re supposed to be there temporarily. The truth is that the only person necessary for your happiness is you. The other people are there to show us things and teach us lessons on that path to happiness. Looking at them any other way is what causes the impediments. Life is supposed to be harmonious, therefore, nothing should be forced. Everything you need and are supposed to have will be drawn to you. There are no coincidences. Look at every coincidence in your life as something that happened on purpose because you drew it to yourself. If you can do that, you may be able to trace the cause of a few things that happened to you and it will change your perspective on life. The necessary people will come along when and if you need them if you focus on yourself. Just live your life.
RulaRook Fenner @FB