I have an ongoing list of bad things that have been in my mouth. First place goes to a lovely experience I had at age fifteen. There I was comfortably ensconced in the hammock on Great-Aunt Maime’s back porch. Her son, Rube, a true tobacco chewing good old boy came up onto the porch accompanied by his faithful dog Tick. He and the dog sat down placing his spit cup masquerading as a large drink cup from Hardee’s right next to my ice tea, also in a large Hardee’s cup. I put my hand down grabbed “my” cup and took a healthy swig, followed by spewing it and the contents of my stomach all over the azaleas as I tumbled off the porch into the bushs. Definitely, this qualifies as one of the worst things that has ever been in my mouth.
As a young woman, I stayed for a time in France. My group of friends nominated me for cooking duties. I kept us eating as local as possible, trying new French cuisine, etc. Every Sunday I would cook special sausages I had discovered from the small shop around the corner. They were plump whitish looking things. When grilled, they were juicy, sweet and mild. So delicious! We all looked forward to them. After several weeks of enjoying this delicacy, I asked the butcher what they were made from. Horse meat. I struggled to remain cool and French, but inside I was screaming. I had been eating Black Beauty and my friend Flicka!
In Camp Prisoney Land, as a treat, I bought myself a BBQ sandwich at the canteen. Picture a beautiful blue sky Florida day. Me relaxing at a picnic table at Rec, my hot sandwich and an ice cold coca-cola ready for my attention. Yummy tummy! The first tasty bite, so enjoyable. On the third bite, I noticed something crunchy. I swallowed and opened the sandwich to investigate. There lying in state, was the back half of the roasted cockroach I’d just ingested. Tick another item on the list.
The food at Camp Prisoney Land has been fairly good lately. The produce has been fresh unlike the black half-rotten things we normally get. The meals arrive hot and tasty. However if you are in the Special Housing Housing Unit, the food arrives on an uninsulated cart and is substantially less than hot. Of course this affects the taste. I make law clerk visits to the girls down there who complain about this. Its valid but not readily fixed as the distance from the kitchen to the SHU is significant and there are security protocols to be met before anything can come into the building. Really my clients can’t complain too much, after all I do read all their disciplinary reports. Many are frequent fliers. These girls return over and over again for the same infraction, a 9-7 which is euphemistically referred to as unauthorized physical contact. Girls, I know for a fact this cold swill you are eating is not the worst thing that’s ever been in your mouth.
As to some of the other contestants for the worst things that have been in my own mouth…….Gentle readers, I must draw the veil of secrecy in a don’t ask, don’t tell sort of way.

Catherine LaFleur DOC #J14175
Homestead Correctional Institution
19000 S.W. 377th Street, Suite 200
Florida City, Florida 33034