I don’t think I know what love is anymore… I know pain, and I know sorrow. Remorse, more so than anything, but not GENUINE love, from a significant other. I find that, when you’re in a place like this, people have no problem leaving you for dead or, just leaving. Without warning…, without a care…,They just leave…
I was talking to a friend, and I shared my pain of being abandoned. I told her, “I need it.” She asked why would I say that. I said “because I do.” “It keeps me HUMBLE, so I’ll never forget, what it feels like.”
Let me explain… I never knew what TRUE remorse was, until I came to prison. I never knew the pain of losing a child, or of being cheated on, by a woman, until I came to prison. I never knew what being left for dead felt like, until I came here but, I need it…
Its painful, hurtful and extremely humbling, but I need it.
You know, that silent scream, that no one hears? Those tears you cry, that no one sees? I’ve been there… More often than not.
Life’s trials are for a reason. I truly believe that. They can make you bitter, or they can make you better. Better is what they’re making me. tho I still shed tears, I know and understand, ALL things work together for good, for those who love God.
I needed to experience loss, betrayal, being cheated on, and left for dead to know what it feels like. Knowing I was once a man who subjected people to such pain. I needed it…
They say hurt people, hurt people. Which is true, but now I know that, loved people, love people. I needed to be stripped of love, well, SUPERFICIAL love, to know what REAL love feels like. A love that will NEVER leave me, nor forsake me. So, I continue to love, because I NEVER want ANYONE, to feel the way I felt. I continue to love, because I’m called to do so, because God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
I’ll never act as if the trials of life aren’t painful. To be honest, I’m shedding tears right now, as I’m typing this, because I’ve been hurt, yet again, but I need it… I keeps me humble and regardless the situation, I know and understand, that weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.
If anyone out there is reading this, know I’ve been where you are, and I’ve felt what you’re feeling… So cry if you have to, scream if you want, just scream the name, ABOVE EVERY NAME, because OUR God is a healer, a provider, a COMFORTER, and deliver. Our God is awesome!
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in ALL our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in ANY trouble, with which we ourselves are comforted by God,” 2 Corinthians1:3-4. Glory!
Continue to enjoy, what so many, take for granted.
Montusa Pace
DOC #1170776
