Ali Jabbaar

“I just don’t understand” By Ali Jabbaar (aka: Ace)

How am I suppose to remain the same me that people love when its those people that are changing or have changed..
Friends…. What I thought had a loyalty and love between us that was rooted from the past now has a questionable future. My right hand man just asked me why I dont call any more. I had only called him because I had heard a mutual friend of ours had died and I wanted accurate details. Before that, I hadn’t called in months. I have not received one dollar, one letter or one ” let me know if you need something” while I been down. That’s kind of alright because I get by in prison. But why do I have to be the one to reach out all the time. How am I suppose to still call people friends 13 years later who wasn’t much of a friend in my darkest hour. We used to be there for each for stupid things that could’ve got each other killed. Why is it they are not around to help me live.
How do I give agape love when Majority of the time i feel neglected and forgotten. Complete strangers have come thru and done more than people who have known me my whole life. I’m surrounded by people who I know care less about me and won’t hesitate to harm me. Some authority figures take advantage of their position of power and take pride in showing the utmost disrespect and abuse. Somebody commented on my other post about relationships saying that people go thru the same things out there. I believe that to be true about relationships but its not true about everything else prisoners endure. This type of treatment and how it makes people react makes me question some stories in the Bible.
How do I be the same relative. Im battling the same problems with family as friends. How am I supposed to be genuinely happy when I get out and see all these pictures and comments and get-togethers posted on social media that never made it to me in prison. How is it you can afford a new dog but can’t come thru for me. How can u travel and take trips but scheduling a visit to me doesn’t fit in your schedule. My family used to be so close. It was bothering me over the years that parts were separated; I once was so determined to bridge gaps; but now I find myself too on the verge of isolation. almost 8yrs so far in this joints. No signs of improvement between some relatives.. All smiles when I come home?

Ain’t it funny how people have all the answers to your problems but can’t solve their own or don’t take they’re own advice. Relationship wise, ever think the person who has all the answers to your problems is the answer to your problem; The best -friend -cliche in the movies. But its always something in the way of crossing the line. I never get them fairy tale endings.
Is the only thing in life that is constant is “change”.
I just don’t understand how I thought I had more content to put in this now I I’m stuck

Ali Jabbaar
DOC #623086

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