Happy birthday to my little princess who turned a whole 9 years old today. She is so sweet, smart, kind, helpful, thoughtful, and beautiful. (She gets that from her pops obviously lol) It hurts and bothers me that I’m in prison and my little angel is out there without my input on life. I wake up and stare at the ceiling while my stomach touching my back and wonder if she’s feeling the same why I’m feeling. Is she alone, is she afraid, is she safe, is she hungry, is she healthy, is she angry with me, does she miss me and do she still love me. When I was growing up my father was in and out of prison and to add insult to injury he was in the process of making babies like it was going out of style. I grew to in a way hate my father for not being in my life. I told myself that I wouldn’t put my kids through what I went through. Sure enough I’m in prison and unable to provide for my kids. So when I think about them individually I wonder how each one is taking it. Today is her birthday so I’m sure she would love to see me or even speak to me but I can’t make that happen. I only can try to contact her the bast way I know how and hope for the best. I know when I do become free of these walls I’ll be able to repair our relationship but right now the pain is eminent and I know she’s hurting also. I’ve never been away from my kids this long and its a ton or tons on my shoulders. Sometimes I just feel like I failed them. Being 30 and having nothing to show for it and in prison just takes all the air out of a person. They give me hope though. Just knowing my little girls and my son need me pushes me. Me not being there for my birthday girls special day makes me aspire for greater things, not for me but for them. So if you have kids tell them you love them because some of us can’t no matter how hard we try. I can only pray my messages, letters, videos, and words make it to her and my other children also. Until next time.. Happy Birthday La’Nycee I love and miss you so much and I think about you everyday sweetheart. Enjoy yourself and know that I’ll always be there for you anyway I can no matter what!!!
Mr. Da’Von Joshua Motley Sr.
(OHIO) ODRC #707-119
Northeast Ohio Correctional Center
2240 Hubbard Rd.
Youngstown, OH 44505