After I first ran for Ohio Governor, do you know what the fascist fart-goblins of the Ohio General Assembly did? They passed a law that anyone in prison cannot take public office, which disqualifies me from becoming governor from prison. It disqualifies me even if the majority of voters in Ohio simultaneously suffer aneurysms and write my name on their ballots.
I think that this obvious and silly anti-Swain legislation says a few things about these poor, deluded hierarchs.
First, think about the constant lip service the hierarch program pays to this idea of “democracy,” all the conditioning we experience in civics classes about how “free” we are, about how this version of democracy sets us apart from every other nation in the world. But how much do they really believe in their own drivel if the fascist fart-goblins selling us on this democracy swindle are busy passing laws to justify cancelling out the votes for candidates they themselves don’t want?
You’re free, and you can vote for anybody you want… just so long as your candidate meets the qualifications written into the fine print.
Also consider what this really says about how the fascist fart-goblins secretly feel about the voters. They clearly fear the voters with hate and suspicion. They believe they had to pass anti-Swain legislation because they cannot trust the voters, because Ohio voters might just be stupid or crazy or angry enough to vote for me. So, by their reasoning, the fascist fart-goblins have prepared to cancel out ballots in order to keep one of their own stinking up the Governor’s office.
It appears that they think I have a better chance of legitimately winning than I do. And they need an insurance policy to keep my can of gasoline and my book of matches out of their statehouse.
So, what would happen, I wonder, if I actually did get elected? Think about it. Imagine I got a majority of the votes. Because I’m disqualified by statutes, would they really nullify my election and hand my office over to the hierarch who came in second? Would they really tell all those Ohioans who showed up and wrote me in on their ballots that their votes don’t count?
That sounds like a constitutional crisis. Those voters have rights even if I don’t. You’d have teams of lawyers flinging nonsense in multiple courts and hierarch leaders pontificating about competing ideals and the mainstream media clowns attempting to provide the whole boondoggle some sense of legitimacy. A real-live, full-spectrum, technicolor fiasco of epic proportions.
And there I’d be in the midst of it all, hoping to flush western swivelization’s most sacred idol down the crapper.
So, what if I won the election with 100% of the vote and nobody came in second? I’m not suggesting that even Ohio voters, who are provably the dumbest voters in all of human history, would unanimously vote for a candidate as cataclysmically and apocalyptically terrible as me. I’m simply thinking that the Ohio voting machines are all computerized and, as far as I know, they don’t even use paper ballots as a back-up. And I’m thinking about how Ohio was one of the states that RUSSIAN HACKERS penetrated in the 2016 elections.
I’m not sure where RUSSIAN HACKERS would get the idea that they should get me elected… well, unless they go online to a site called Enough Is Enough and read my ‘Open Letter to Russian Hackers,.’ There’s a fantastic photo of me posted there, and I look very guber–… guber–… very, uh, “governor-ish.” But what are the odds that RUSSIAN HACKERS would go online and check out postings at international sites addressed to RUSSIAN HACKERS?
Recently, as if anti-Swain legislation wasn’t enough to shut me down, the warden here, Shady Three-Eighty, sent me a denial of a media interview request saying Russia Today, or RT, is not permitted into the prison to talk to me about my run for governor. It would really seem that the fascist fart-goblins are circling the wagons against me, huh?
I’m thinking about writing Special Counsel Robert Mueller and asking him to come see me. Mueller is in charge of investigating Russian interference into the 2016 election, and his former agency, the FBI, has accumulated 1410 pages of documents on me in the last four years. It comes out to something like two pages for every three days.
That’s a lot of pages.
Anyway, I’d like to meet with Mueller, who knows all about the Russian hacking. He’s the one guy, more than anyone, who can probably tell me my odds of getting elected in 2018– the first election where, just maybe, the votes of only two people matter… and they go by “Boris” and “Natasha.”
Wanna dance naked around a bonfire where the Ohio State house used to be?
This is Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain, candidate for Ohio Governor in 2018, and I approved this message…
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