James Rollins

FROM GANGSTA TO MAN (PART 9)

The verdict, a jury of 11 white people and one black woman who are supposed to be my peers, but was truly of people who couldn’t
understand where I came from, just like their life was foreign to me.
These people held judgement over me, eventhough most were ignorant as I was to the meaning of the law.

Guilty was the verdict 456 months was my sentence. Though I did it, I maintained my innocents for alot of years.
41 years, how will I ever be able to do all that time. My minds spinning, till that day I didn’t let anybody see me cry, I’m only 20 years old, I’ll be almost dead when I get out. This was all I could think about.

My daughter was still in her mothers stomach, and I made a vow to myself that I would marry her mother who I was very deeply in love with, and I wouldn’t let my daughter be raised without her father and that I would be the best father in the world to her. I failed at all the above.

I thought I wouldn’t be like my father, to know and love him, but not be raised by him. I wanted to be a father to my daughter. I’m glad she has a wonderful mother who did a fantastic job at raising our daughter. I really, really thank her.

My daughter came up a few months ago, I wanted to see her so bad, but I was also scared. I knew I didn’t know what to do, how to be a father. I had not seen her since she was 4 years old, now she’s 18, what can I possibly say. I didn’t want her to reject me and pull away, I would be devistated.

My daughters visit reinforced my drive to regain my freedom, to do everything I need to do to get back out there and be the man I’ve grown to be.

My journey to manhood started in 1997.
I was 20 when I came to prison, I thought I was a grown ass man.
Grown I was, a man, I wasn’t. I learned the hard way that it takes more than age to be a man.

I had to learn about respect, trust, honesty, love, loyalty, resposibility, dreams, goals, family, dedication, sacrifice, mental hunger, emotions, wants, needs, I had to learn about self, who I was right then verses who I wanted to be, I had to learn about freedom, and freedom of self.

“”””””””””””STAY CONNECTED AND STAY TUNED””””””””””””””

James Rollins
DOC #732975

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