what is love? it may very well be the force that harms as much as it hurts. recently i lost my best friend and partner to a long fight with illness. she showed me that love is more paramount in our everyday lives than anything else. she woke up everyday in pain, but she still managed to watch other children and help family. she showed me how someone can be dealt a deathly hand and still live to serve others. she showed me the grace and humility that God has bestowed upon us all, but very few know how to utilize. she affected so many lives with her generosity and compassion.
i am heartbroken. i have cried many days and nights over the past few weeks. i cant look at her pictures too long. i cant watch her videos. she was the one person i felt god had slid into my lane just to compliment my existence. she was and is the perfect woman. but i am coming to understand that in my walk, god only allowed her here ,for those of us fortunate enough, to have a template on how to live a life that may not be what we want, but it is for us to make good with. i am reaching out to this community so i can share with any that want to hear me. we must find the real value in all our relationships and find the ultimate grace when confronted with struggle and pain. we are an imperfect people with a perfect design behind us. we are excellence, but we fail often. how far must one fall for others to live proper and just? how much of ones self must be given for the truth of life to bestowed upon many? tis a blessing to be alive. tis a better blessing to experience real love and understanding. to find a soulmate and forever friend is God-like. i asked her one day, “Erika, what you want your legacy to be?” she said. “tell them i was real.” she was real folks. in the flesh. an angel.
in prison we are told to do everything but love and find the qualities in us that society deems appropriate, but when we do we are looked down upon and shamed into believing emotions are a sign of weaknes and failure. ill tell you this. it is weak to think that a man must suffer the indignity of heartlessness and fear mongering just to appease ideologies. to all the men out there…trust in your woman. honor your woman. cherish her and stand beside her. welcome her desire to make you better and always encourage her to do the same. give in to the rawness of your emotion. even if it does not work out, you will walk away with an understanding of you and the world around you. believe in your self as well. we are not weak when we love. we are strong for taking the chance and trusting in it. to my love Erika Thomas…I love you now and forever. you are missed every second, and the presence of your absence is felt in my molecules. to the rest, stay humble. stay real humble.
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