racism & equality

Uncomfortable Conversation With Self (My Black Apology), by ZYAIRE SMITH

In a challenging self-reflection of my past behaviors and the effects I imposed on my own race. I find that my behavior was deplorable at times even worse than an racist. Please read on to hear my brutal truth.
To my black ancestors who were lynched, hosed, segregated, beat, sold and enslaved.To the prayer warriors praying and singing as were treading through the muddy river,being hunted down by their slave master with malice in there heart. Praying,treading,praying and treading while being hunted down by dogs,shotguns as their slave owners were on there heals. Looking above to God and the moonlight for guidance /freedom.
Seeking freedom for humanity, while being hunted to be returned back to dehumanizing and demoralizing conditions for the white man’s personal/professional degrading needs.
Why? Being Black
We already lived the history of “White’s Only” where we as blacks wasn’t even considered a race let alone a citizen. In the eyes of a white society/segregation. We as blacks couldn’t drink from there drinking fountains.Couldn’t go to schools with them.Couldn’t come sit an eat at the counter with them..
Why? Being Black
Taking the lives of Black’s
Bombing Churches
Why? Being Black
The mini series “Roots” gave every American a visualation into slavery, the struggle,the pain and the horrific inhumane conditions/treatment slavery.
Why? Being Black(why wasn’t there any uncomfortable conversation then?)
The movie Amstead provided insight how the white man kidnapped the blacks from there motherland (true land of the free). Forced them on there boat and tortured blacks to row into there own enslavement.
The movie,”12 years of Slaves” (banned in Mississippi ever wondered why?). The white man kidnapped a free black man. To enslave him into slavery. Black’s mandated to pick a required amount of cotton a day. Conditions were worse than rescue animals in ASPCA. If the expectations were not met, the white man whipped the blacks until there backs were shredded like raw ground beef.
The white man tying a black woman to a wagon wheel.While he’s inside her having his way ,she mentally going outside her body(disassociating).This man despised her race however couldn’t stay from inside it. With the thought of her escaping he unleashed thee most gut wrenching, heartbreaking, painful, hurtful slashing I have ever personally ever viewed or could stomache.
Why? Being Black
Prominent civil right black leaders. Who preached/spoke for the betterment of Black lives,rights and conditions.Leaders who advocated for Black empowerment through peaceful demonstrations.
When the blacks protested peacefully they were met with arrest, assassination and continuous violence.
When the decision became “By any Means Necessary” The white man wanted to pose as the victim. The leaders were assissinated to take away” The Dream” from becoming “Reality”!!.
Why?Being Black ( Fear of Black Equality)
When Emancipation Proclamation was signed. Freedom,Liberty and Justice for all.
Our ancestors envisioned liberty and justice for which was suppose to include all races NOT TO STILL EXCLUDE BLACKS.The signing of the documents didn’t change,what was wrote in there heart(racism).Only provided a different route to mask what never changed.
March for civil rights,front line,to the protest line. Our ancestors fought for the equality and the right to be treated as a decent human beings. A humanity that allowed to the drinking from any water fountain. The opportunity to learn how to read and write. With the opportunity to attend any school.The right to sit anywhere and remain seated on a bus or at a counter.
The writing thus far is an minimization of the torture and abuse our ancestors endured.
Why because they were born black. They fought and died for equality and humanity.
For all Black’s…. For all Black’s
There is alot of dialogue being expressed and exchanged about having the uncomfortable conversations with White people….. about “Racism”
Where do the conversation start?
Where are the sit downs,town hall meetings, 1:1 and podcasts interviews going to start?
Where do we as Black’s come from behind the frontline and protest line. To say ,AGAIN!!!!!! to express again and again what our ancestors wanted..What we want, were still fighting for…

Where do we as blacks tell the white man about what’s in there hearts. Were politicians propose laws that are discriminatory against the black race( Search and Frisk). Only to apologize for the discrimination to satisfy a political agenda.
Where do we as a a nation not hold The Commander in Chief accountable for not denouncing white supremacy.
If we as black say our lives matter, We are thugs and considered a hate crime.
Where as Black’s do we have the conversation with the white man about corporate america suppressing blacks, in wages and opportunities for advancement. Only giving us the bare means under the guidelines/token called “Affirmative Action”.
Where do we as Black’s have the conversation with White’s about the daily institutue of being black in america being racially profiled for being black in new model car,browsing in a department store, being in an upscale neighborhood. Silently there white conciences speak they have no right, there black.
Where do we as blacks have the convestaion with whites that police officers whose sworn oath is to suppose serve and protect. Yet more blacks lose there lives at the hands of law enforcement than any race. oh i forgot we must remind ourselves justifacation.
Where do we as blacks have this uncomfortable conversation with whites?
That Racism has Never left…… I Repeat Racism has never left…

We can have uncomfortable conversation,policy changes and reform.This is 2020 going into 2021 and theres is no emancipation proclamation to be signed. We as blacks need to address the silence of racism there is no tolerance. Coach Doc Rivers stated ” If there’s one bad officer and ten goods ones and the ten don’t speak up. Then we have eleven bad officers”.
There is only illumanation. Illuminating that there will be No More Tolerance or Acceptance of Abuse or Racism
A inner dialogue began to stir within myself.
“Self” said you are a hypcrite.
What? “I” quietely replied ,how?
“Self” said you spoke of your ancestors.
“I” did.
“Self” said you spoke of the prevalent adversity/racism of the black race today.
“I” replied I did
You speak of having a conversation with the whites.
Yes!!! I replied I am ready!!!
They need to be called out on there actions.Is more of what said.
Self said then good have one with yourself
Uh, I looked around – I think I am already.
Self said you need to “Straigthen Things Out with Yourself.
Then apologize to your BLACK BROTHER’S and SISTER’S.
“Straighten Things Out”
“Yeah hypocrite”
This just got real…………
I am guilty of numerous crimes against my own race. I have used my words. To impose hurt,harm.Words that promoted pain and shame in others.I have gossiped and backbitted against my brothers and sisters. I have cast my judgement, to tear down dreams as well as tear down there character. I have lied and manipulated my brothers and sisters to cause hurt, harm. I have emotionally, mentally and physically attacked my brothers and sisters. Used my eyes and posture to promote intimidation and fear.
I disgraced and killed my race by selling drugs amongst other things.
I violently fought my own race for control,respect ,money ,love and acceptance. I have hurt my race to unleash my wrath( inner pain) I have disrespected my black culture and heritage, Violated spirits,trust and faith with my life’s behavior.
I have disrespected my parents, teachers and my race. I was a class clown,and not valuing education. I disrespected my ancestors by getting on the bus, heading straight to the back ,playing loud music, causing havtic and mischief.I was a problematic issue against towards my race. I committed crimes against humanity and society of my own people..
To my ancestors,parents,siblings,black brothers and sisters,I apologize,I apologize from the bottom of my being I apologize…..
8min:46sec,I wept tears for George Floyd, My heart hurt continously I cry every time I hear him call for his mom. Knowing as he went in and of conciene , I believe she reached out to comfort him as he went home.Only the comfort we can get from a mother’s love.
2.3 miles,2.3 miles that was his daily run. His life was taken because blacks are not allowed to look inside a white construction site
run, run,run for your life.
Yeah were hunting you down like wildlife. Shots fired… ,shots fired… his body layed in the streets grapsing for life. We all know the last words he heard when and racism isn’t a factor right?
911 what’s your emergency they came in …… they shot her….she’s slipping away
I heard the 911 it’s heartbreaking and gut wrenching. she’s losing life before him.
Ever wonder why the police didn’t call it in?
A no knock warrant order, she gone and they won’t say her name..
I’ll say it “Beronna Taylor”
Kentucky Attroney Genernal put some respect on her name.
Walking home black,wearing black its called in because you look suspicious. A choke hold and you lose your life. No need for body cam the police took out there personal phones and did a photo opt … Colorado
Elijah McClain
I owe you an apology. This is My Black Apology..
First and Foremost to my higher power, my family who I hurt,shamed and caused so much pain.
I apologize…..
To every Black Brother/ Sister’s,my friends,teammates
teachers,roommates, bus driver, and to who I haven’t named and I inflicted so pain and caused agony upon please forgive me.
I apologize for being apart of the recidivism statistic of the black incarceration state.
I promise to embrace what our ancestors died for. What today black advocates fight passionately for.
I Promise to rehabilitate my thinking and behavior. By beginning to say please forgive me personally for every form of abuse I inflicted. Upon every black brother and sister I have in encountered in my life directly or indirectly with my actions.With every hurtful word i have spoken ,wrote,gossip, hurtful joke , shaming act, put down, lack of empathy and not having the grace to show compassion. Words have the power to hurt or heal. I apologize and promise to use my words to heal and my actions to make a positive productive differences.
When I say black lives matters. I say it with some knowledge of our history and the struggle. Embracing the beauty and culture of being black.
When I say or wear something with the expression of “Black Lives Matter”. I do so knowing I have held myself internally/publicly accountable for my actions. Having made a conscience decision to live a life that reflects compassion, empathy, love and respect toward my race. Not to hurt or cause harm. However to strive to promote the betterment.
When I’m apart of the uncomfortable conversation.I can stand face to face and address there behaviors. Knowing I am fully apart of solution rather than the problem.
When I say say “Black Lives Matters” I say it knowing I respect every “Black King and Queen”
Written by
Aakifah Smith

DOC #W45481

1 reply »

  1. I am a Christian, I’m white and I live in Canada, Zyaire. I spent 35 years in the Canadian military and I’ve been to a good number of countries throughout the world. The act of injustice, by some, regardless of what color you are, towards others, doesn’t care what color they are, it just seeks to impose itself, whenever there is an opportunity, and few, if any, consequences. But you’re correct, being black, historically and even today, means being subjected to more than your fair share of injustice and I acknowledge that I’d have to live it like you have to really understand it. Injustice is just wrong and I can’t answer for others, but I am responsible for how I interact with others and I can speak out when I see it being done to anyone. Everyone should be treated with respect and consideration, like we’d like to be treated ourselves. But you and I both know that doesn’t happen all that often, so the hard part is learning how to treat others with respect and consideration, even when they do not extend that initially to you. I have learned that I need a reference point to work from, that includes how I have mistreated others in the past, and have needed forgiveness, and then remembering that, extend that forgiveness that I have been given, to others. It’s not easy, and when you actually try to consistently do that, you learn very quickly, how much your main focus is yourself and I think that is true for just about all of us. That reference point does need to be greater than ourselves because when push comes to shove, I think we all are part of the problem and all of our hearts and minds do need to be changed. I’d recommend to you that the reference point is Jesus. Blessings. – Bruce


Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s