Backwards Bastard, by James Kelly

By:Difference (Aka:James Kelly)

A boy with no mother…
Is like a ship with no rudder…
always frolicking in the sea…
from place to place, with nowhere to be…
searching for the lit port…
no home, no love, no guidance…
just a bastard spinning…
not sinking, but not winning…
backwards bastard for life…
see you on the other side..?
So we call a boy with no father a bastard? Well probably not allowed to use that word these days. But what do we call a boy with no mother? I don’t know the answer to this.
I’ve been alone my entire life. My ”mom”, sent me away and abandoned me as a child. I was raised on the streets and in prison. So to be real and honest about it, now that I can form a ”clear and concise picture of it” -Victor Frankl
(Mans Search For Meaning). I see I did have a mother and a father growing up. The streets were my mom, and the pen was my father.
I’ve been in and out of prison and relationships my whole life.
I didn’t have a mommy and daddy to take care of and teach me things.
I will take the blessing though. Getting to know my mom has taught me what not to be. My dad is not perfect by any means. As a matter of fact I’m upset with him and need to teach him a few things 🙂 But I’ll tell you this, he loves me. But I don’t expect much from him, as he don’t love himself.
So back to this mom/female thing. I don’t know what to do or what to say. But I know this I will never turn my back on my children. Especially after the role I’ve played in leaving them to grow up with a single mom. (Look at blog single mom:-) I’ll always just love them and accept them. Do what I can and be there for them. There is a difference between enabling and just using it as an excuse. I won’t lie and say I wish my mom the best. I don’t, even the bible says you reap what you so. You know your wrong! Who does that.
Thanks to anyone who reads this. I know it was jumping around, and hard for me to articulate my words.
I do have a mom, she is not perfect, but she is my mom.
I LOVE YOU SHERYL STORM! Can’t wait to go egg something:-)
Love J

James Kelly
DOC #59979

Categories: family, James Kelly, poems

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