It amazes me how the sting of death still leaves us with so many scars. For some they never get back to living their own lives. And for others they take their lives or destroy them with drugs. Death has never really been a mystery, as we all know we’re going to die. However, the love of people and things makes it difficult to let go when it’s that time. I remember losing my mother at twelve, I cried twelve years later in the cell, no celly of course. But when I was twelve, the news of my mom’s death was brought by my dad in such a harsh manner, “She’s dead now get over it”. At that moment I realized death is death. I mean I lost a friend when I was ten to a gun shot to the head. But losing my mom’s was suppose to be different, so I thought. I lost my favorite grandmother at that time shortly after, I didn’t cry. And the deaths continued to happen, my maternal grandmother, my cousin that raised me and a cousin I was doing time with. By then I had developed an unattached philosophy to death. Death is death, so make the most of life. In that I’ve decided to live like I’m dying tomorrow and encourage others to do the same as well. My mother died and we couldn’t find the will. It was a disaster because her and my father wasn’t legally divorced, so he weaseled his way into the picture. Even though they were separated. So her death taught me to make or take the proper preparations for death. My Paternal grandmother and my cousin that raised me death taught me that early prevention can catch cancer in the beginning stages. And my cousin in the joint death taught me to pay attention to your body and not to over exert it. And now that I have Spiritual lenses, I see death as part of life’s process. And that belief helps me move efficiently in spite of all the death around me. It helps me not to be robbed of the necessary energy I need to keep living. It also makes me more cognizant of how bless I am to still be here. It makes me thankful in the smallest things and grateful in the big. I find myself saying thank you when I wake up in the morning. Because I know someone didn’t see the day. It also makes me plan to leave behind visuals and speeches to the up and coming generations. Have you ever looked through photo albums of deceased love one’s only to wonder what did they sound like or what would they have told you? Well I always said, I never wanted to be that dead relative that didn’t pass on that wisdom to the following generations. So there’s a lesson in death also. It’s wild when you hear or see people doing cliché things when it comes to.death. Like telling you how you must be feeling or should feel because the person is dead. Or because you’re not crying you’re cold. Or because you’ve moved on with life you couldn’t have been affected. Or maybe you’re the cause of the death because you’re not all emotionally distraught. My cousin that died left behind a husband and three kids. Well the husband moved on like 9 months to a year later. Maybe sooner than that. But my point is, his children, mostly the two boys feel some type of way about that. Now they are grown, one in his forties and the other in his thirties. But they have literally disowned their only remaining parent. Who’s been in their lives the entire time. Because he chooses to live life and not die with his wife of 30 plus years. But this is just one example of many where death takes our life with it. It’s not always a physical death, we die mentally, socially and emotionally. How has death affected you?

Robert A. Smith Jr.
DOC #477-176