To ALL those I have affected by my crimes. Some of you I knew, some of you knew me or of me and there are those that were affected that I will never know. This letter of amends is long overdue and I hope tht you will accept it in the sincerity in which it is intended.
I’m writing this letter to do what I can to set right the harms I’ve done to you before and after my crimes. Let me be very clear that this admission in NO way whatsoever relieves me of respnsibility for my actions.
I was deep in my addiction and on psych meds that ripped the lid off years of abuse. There were many stressors in a short time. emotionally I felt like i had one foot on the gas and the other on the brake.
I was too embarassed to ask for the help I so desparately needed. I tried to get help long before my crimes with a counselor and psych and was told I could handle it because I was a nurse.
I quit asking and went down a psychotic rabbit hole. I was sick and incapable of anything leading to recovery ad responsibility. If you felt emotionally ripped off it’s because you were. I failed you, my community, everyone who had to clean up the destruction I left behind and everyone else around me, EVERYONE.
I have done years of recovery and processing the insight that lead me down the path of heinous destruction. know I have deep deep remorse. I accept that I alone am responsible for the absense of life and the pain and suffering that is felt by everyone who was touched by the senseless murders I committed. I have learned to confront the pool of pain, grief, and guilt which I so wrongly expressed in anger, aggression and manipulation. I recognize my poor character traits of past and humbly accept that i am not able to change the hurt that I caused by my life crimes.
Again, I express my deepest shame and remorse and am profoundly sorry for all I have done to others and I am deeply sorry for the harm I caused you.
The significance and importance of my amends to you for my conduct is not to gain forgiveness fr myself but to take full responsibility for all my actions and express remorse to all those I have harmed. I’ve worked hard to find the goodness in me and understand my destructive behaviors. I have devoted my life to recovery and to help those I am imprisoned with find their path to healing and amends. i am devoted to paying it forward in every way I can.
Thank you for listening.