Chapter Four, by Dakota Wolf

~ Endless Hunger~

Isn’t it amazing how the littlest things can guide a child? They seem insignificant at that moment in time, but all it takes is the smallest seed to root a thought that can cause a profound amount of damage in the future.
This is how I became bulemic. Bulemia is the act of eating a meal and puking your guts out immediately afterwards… For those of you that didn’t know that little fact.
So when I was approximately eleven years old my older sister, a young woman whom I adored made a very insignificant comment that I took to heart.
She made the mistake of commenting on my weight and size. This comment at the time she said it didn’t really set in, however later that week as I was cross-dressing I noticed that my body structure appeared more masculine. My stomach was filling slightly out, my shoulders subtly broad, my hips not like a woman’s nor my legs… Fuck Puberty!
I thought to myself how could I change this? Then I suddenly remembered a scene from a movie that I can’t recall the name of. I realized if I throw up after I eat I won’t gain weight! I could force myself to look the way I wanted to look!
At first it tricked my body like I was full after puking up my meals, then the fatigue set in, next the headaches. So I thought this won’t work. Eventually someone will notice and stop me from obtaining that perfect image.
I decided I would only throw up on meals after breakfast so I could keep going. Coffee helped to curb some of the hunger so did fiber tablets and diet pills whenever I could find them. This continued until I was the age of eighteen. I took a few breaks for other reasons in between that time span, but isn’t it amazing how a comment so small could cause so much damage for a child?

Dakota Wolf
DOC #374027