Before I delve into what I have on my mind I just want to say writing is new to me. I’ll try to keep some type of structure to what I have to say. I want to be as honest as possible so you can understand my experience.
Today I was having a conversation about how easy doing time is without a girlfriend or wife on the land. This is what I thought about that.
When I first started this bid I had to have a female to talk to, but I found out the longer you are gone things change. Life goes on. After you chase the phone trying to keep up with what she is doing and why she didn’t answer the phone wondering if “TANK TOP TONY” has taken her attention away from you. (lol)
The thought of another man taking your place is so stressful. I can’t begin to tell you all the thoughts that were going through my head when that was happening to me. I had to tell myself I can’t get upset over things I can’t control. People are going to do what ever they are going to do regardless of how bad you wish things were different. That’s easy to say now because I’ve had time to adjust, but reality is we need positive contact with a female on the outside.
No matter how hard we seem to be we need a soundboard to express what we are going through. I’ve been fortunate to have a few females besides my mom to vent to over these years. Although the contact comes and goes, when I do connect them I always feel better hearing their voice. If you could see how dudes flock to holla at the female c/o’s you would understand. Anybody that has been locked up knows exactly what I’m talking about. The same can be said for female inmates I heard that they have it worse. Guys leave them too. I wanted to set up a real pen pal program to help the time pass easier.
All I know is it’s not natural to be locked up in a space with the same sex for years. I know there are programs out there that can help with contacting inmates, but I haven’t heard of any that really work. I don’t know I might have to look into that when I get home. I’m went on a rant. (lol) The bottom line is, yes it can be easier to do time without the problems that come dealing with females while your locked up but I’d rather deal with that than not having any attention from a female at all.
Being gone has made me appreciate my relationships with the people that have been here for me during this time away from the street. I hope this made sense. I you have somebody locked up hit them up, a simple “hey how doing I was thinking of you” means so much to us.
That’s all I have for now. Til fingers hit Jp5 again be safe out there.
Carl Ferebee III
St.Brides Correctional Center.