I sit in this box inside a larger box and I think..hopefully without any distractions.. mostly about my daughters, grandson and life with the woman I’ll marry…before incarceration I was in love.. probably for the second time in my life..but because of my past I lost that love..that shit hurt like hell..my thought process daily is about meeting that someone who makes me feel that way again..I think about my exes, old friends,old friends with benefits, kids mother.. I picture life with them again with the new me…but its hard because I have no idea how they are now.. I’ve been gone for a long time and people do change..they also stay the same..this walk I’m on inside my head is crazy..Its crazy because I have no idea what to expect upon my release when it concerns my heart and a woman.. personally I’ve always been a hopeless romantic and finding her is so important to me..I’m not tryna be the guy to come home and have to do alotta dating..I mean most dudes who’ve been locked up don’t come home looking to be with one woman… they wanna be single for a minute… which I’ll be..not because I want to be with numerous women..but because I gotta spend that first 6 months to ah year with my daughters and G-Baby.. but while doing that I will have that door open… I will have friends.. getting to know someone first is so important to me now.. because majority of the time us dudes who sleep with woman who fall for us..we lock in from there and let life take its course…the “nigga”/”bitch” aspect of life.. naw I’m not calling women the b word..did that too much when I was younger.. I’m saying it from past experience when messing with woman for the wrong reasons..that’s why one of the things that prison did for me was open my eyes…maybe it isn’t because of prison but simply getting older and wiser is what makes us look at life different.. but prison does open your eyes to who you call family.. but that’s another story..my daughters often tell me I can’t have a woman until they say its okay…now I respect that..I do because their the ones who’ll always be by my side..but at the same time I tell them when I do find “Her”..I’m out.. not out in the I’ll go wherever she goes but I’ll be in the house after work type of I’m out.. Currently I’m rocking to the Tremaine album and its a classic..it helps me out when I need to go to this place of love I need to go to when I write..I sometimes ask myself if me writing is frivolous.. especially when its in regards to a woman..then when I picture how I’ll feel when we meet..it makes me know why I do write.. and that’s in hopes of finding “Her”…to be continued
Email #1174098@jpay.com
Timothy Kearney
DOC #1174098
