I am a man very in touch with his feelings. I remember the first time i fell in love; real love. I thought that heartbreak was the worst. lol I didnt think it was possible/ethical for a man to feel like that.lol. I learned a lot from the heartbreak over the years. I made a vow to myself that noone will ever hurt me like that again.
Coming to prison, i didnt think i would/could have a relationship with a woman. But i was wrong. I was to think that and i was wrong to think that my first heartbreak was the worst. Trying to sustain a relationship while in here has been the worst for me.
We’ll call my first heart break “Cupcake”. Strangly, Cupcake is my biggest supporter on the female side of things. Ive met a few new women, and a couple old flames, and they all end up with the same result. #Vanish. And it boggles me.
I take an honest self appraisal. And i am the best possible me for a woman right now. Ive grown and now have the tools and capability to be the man for a woman. Those who have come around even acknowledge that. So why dont they stick around? Why dont they be the woman who they claim to be in the beginning til the end?
I mean of course, the physical part of the relationship is a strain but they know that upon coming in. Yes i’m in prison but that dont mean i have time to waste. ..smh. I just dont understand. I thought by now, that thru the different races and ages of women that i have explored that at least one of them would be the real thing. i’m patient but sometimes i feel like its not in my cards to settle. And the moment i start thinking that, an illusion comes around but idk its an illusion until they disappear or blame me and make it my fault.
I’m stuck with Cupcake. which is not a bad thing because of the bondage we have between us but she is not interested in a relationship, we have an estranged relationship, so i have nothing in lovers lane. how do i have nothing from so many ‘forevers. Will karma ever leave or is she forever my wife ? I signed divorce papers along time ago but she sure hasnt signed hers.