so, apparently “Tomorrowland” is already trademarked.
that, and every single word closely followed by “.com”.
what has happened to the world?
anywho, I figure I should probably get in on this whole “trademarking” business while the gettings good.
oh ,that’s a good one:
the term “while the gettings good.”
I’m going to start trademarking EVERYTHING!
(sorry Suzie) nothing personal, its only business.
oh, the phrase “nothing personal, only business.”
OK, I was just informed by my but my bunkie that me simply yelling the word “trademarked!” after I say something, has no binding, contractual, or otherwise legal ramifications that allow me to actually trademark that word or phrase.
apparently there’s this whole “trademarking process” that one has to go through to actually trademark something.
huh. go figure. you learn something new everyday.
anyway, you know what I was thinking? how about this- we’ll make this a sort of interactive blog. as oppose to just me writing shitty poetry or telling you about my day.
so if you have any questions, just post them in the comments box. (is there a comments box?)
and I’ll answer them as best as I can.
you wanna know about prison?
IM YOUR GUY ON THE INSIDE !
do you need investment advice?
I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU!
the trusted opinion of a healthcare professional?
answers about your love life?
I’M. YOUR. MAN!
questions about my, or just penis’s in general?
YOU SICK BITCH! why would you ask some guy in prison who happens to write a blog and his, or other penis’s in general?
BUT I’LL DO MY BEST TO ANSWER!
you can just look at me like a snarky, way less accurate, free, unreliable, “Take my sweet ass time”, Alexia.
like if Googles’ Alexia had a younger, drug using, college drop out, porn addicted, brother, I’d be him.
also, like 80% of my answers will probably involve me trying to get you to send me money.
but really, can you put a price on love? or great financial, personal, or health advice?
not to mention, you can just go asking ANYONE all your penis related questions!
what, you think Aleixa knows that kind of shit?!
sure, you want detailed Instructions as to how to bake a cake, ask Alexia.
but if you got some “dark web” kind of questions….( I mean, not actual questions concerning the dark web; I haven’t been out of prison in almost a decade! what the fuck do I know about the dark web?!)
OK, Anything baking, and dark web related, ask Alexia. but ANYTHING else, I’m like a fucking prison GURU!!!!!!
I’m like so stupid about Anything and everything, (just because I haven’t been out in so long, ) that within that Almost retarded, child like simplicity of my answers to all your deeply personal, existential questions about life, will be pearls of knowledge!!
do you see how many fucking exclaimation points that was?!
so, STEP RIGHT UP!
I’m like a carnival attraction!
just write one paragraph, and i can even guess you fucking WEIGHT based on word choice, sentence structure , and a TRADEMARKED language Syntex software system I’ve developed using nothing more then, levers,pulleys, an abacus, 8 pieces of torn bed sheet, and a chow Hall spoon!
(OK, I have just been Informed that that process is in fact NOT trademarked.)
anyway, do you guys want to hear more about me?
I forgot to tell you I’m from Toledo,Ohio.
I stay on the 3rd tier , In cell 5, and my bunky is this 53 year old Puerto Rican (who speaks broken English) who’s SUPER religious and superstitious.
like’ its BAD.
I think God may even be annoyed at this point at this guys level of devotion.
so I’m always trying to corrupt him with every chance I get.
HE even fasted on Yom Kippur, And IM the Jew!
here I am smashing a cheeseburger and Drinking a milkshake, and this asshole is fasting for the holy of HOLIES!
oh my god! are you still reading this!?
don’t you have like a job, or friendships to maintain, or some shit?
whatever. I don’t care.
oh, did you look up my ODRC picture yet?
aw man, you’re slipping. just be forewarned, It looks like a photo of an inmate at Guantanamo Bay!
its THAT bad!
I was actually TRYING to look as benevolent as possible. I think I just tried TOO hard!
you ever heard of “resting bitch face?” yeah, I have resting terrorist face.
my natural look looks like I know where to get black market detonators.
I was actually thinking that I could possibly use that as a hustle when I get out.
find some super shady anti American fellows from like south Sudan or some shit, and get them to send me money with promises “making the infadel’s PAY!” using phrases like ‘there will be rivers of bloood’ , and all that.
the only problem is I’d have to keep hitting them up for money,(because strippers are expensive) and they’d be like “brother, what happened to the LAST 7,000$ we sent you?! and the 10 before that?!” and I’d just keep coming up with excuses about costs and how expensive materials are And all that. ever promising grander And grander things that I will carry out.
with my luck though, I’d eventually end up in federal prison, because OF COURSE it’d be the feds sending me all that money!
can you imagine my defence? (the truth) that I was just trying to make a quick buck by baiting terrorist with deep pockets with promises of mayhem? which of course would fail because they wouldn’t believe ANYONE was THAT stupid.
they’d be reading all my texts to the jury in open court. every anti American thing I could think of at the time, trying to get them to send me MORE and MORE money.
the only piece of evidence they would really need would be my O.D.R.C. picture.
one look at that fucking thing and I’d be SUNK!
OK, bye blog readers! until Tomorrowland.
OK. until tomorrow.
Categories: Justin Oliver