They say “only the strong survive”. Well I’ve “survived”, almost 40 years. But I haven’t Lived-Life.
I have either been lost in my addiction or wasting away in a prison cell. Not only have I had little time out in the community, the time I have had has been less than quality. The time I did have was always existing in dysfunction. Just staying where life took me. Dealing with all kinds of “shady-drug-addicts”, broken relationships, people who talk crap about one another, steal from one another, hate on each other. Then that kind of becomes the “norm”. It’s really pathetic when the miserable existence I’m living right now. Is a lot more “normal”, then the life I’ve lead when I am out in society. Being homeless, broke, addicted. Struggling with unhealthy, toxic relationships. Always running from the law, wanted, hiding like a hermit, not knowing when will be my last minute. Well that’s not living life. Being in here is not living life either. I’m still just existing.
So as for me and mine. I can’t use any mood altering substances. I’m not telling anyone else to either. But what I am saying is just make sure you LIVE-LIFE. Don’t just exist, or get by. Its not up to anyone to judge or criticize, what or how you live your life. If you are living life and are happy? Then keep doing it. But just look around yourself, your surroundings at some point and evaluate if you are living up to your OWN standards. That’s what matters. I have not lived within the standards that are acceptable to myself.
So I’ve been surviving, but I haven’t been living life. Well I’m ready to grab “the bull by the horns” and live life. So see you guys on the other side.
James Kelly
DOC #59979
Just make sure you have a firm grounding in sobriety before you grab that bull.
Once things get going if you want secure then it’s easy to say poops are used again because of this and that so and so and relapse is what addicts do and such nonsense like that.
If you really are at your end and you want to stay clean then staying clean will be The most important thing in your life. It doesn’t mean we can’t do other things but we just have to make sure that surprising comes first every time.