What Are Friends For? by Matthew Epperson

Essence of a TRUE friend:
1) They won’t co-sign bullshit
2) They are there
3) They will do ALMOST anything you ask

I have been blessed with a great bunky. His name is Tuna (Why? I have no idea) He is by far the best bunky a man can have. Here’s why… We do not talk. I know it sounds strange, but hear me out. When I moved in 3 months ago he made it very clear… “I am not a social person.” And because I need silence when I’m working on my book, I responded, “Awesome,” with no sarcasm. However, it’s impossible to not communicate. So we speak when the need arises. For example, “Gotta Shit,” mean, “Please leave the room so I can do whatever I need to do in privacy.” We have the upmost respect for each other. He has his quirks like I have mine, but we both learn to just shut up and live with it. In all honesty, I can’t think of a better bunky than Tuna. Seriously though, we’ve gone days without a single utterance, and that is perfectly fine. Until here recently.

I guess it’s only human nature to grow comfortable with someone you spend the majority of your day with. In the past week, we’ve had some interesting, intellectual conversations. But last night was by far the funniest.

I came into the room after having a “concert” out in the bullpen and there he was, standing with his shirt off. Nothing strange about that, it was what he sayed.

“Dude, I- uh, have a weird question to ask,” he said with obvious hesitation.

Not registering the awkwardness, I said, “What’s up?”

“Man, can you shave my back?”

I haven’t laughed so hard in a long long time! Clearly, because I’m a good man, agreed. But damn did I give him the blues about it. He’s a mamoth! Still, by far the best bunky I’ve ever had.

Go see something live!

Matthew Epperson
DOC #284812


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