Daniel Royston

How to Make a Foxy by Daniel J. Royston

A “Foxy” is a beverage I think is only found within the confines of prison walls.There really is no way to explain what exactly a “Foxy” is…. A refreshing beverage that is poured over ice and served cold? Sure, but a more honest and accurate description for a “Foxy” is that its a cross-bred mutation of energy drinks, double shot espressos and crystal meth. Which doesn’t necessarily make it as healthy as you might expect it to be, but it is quite delicious and invigorating. So let’s get on with this amazing recipe.

Here’s what you’ll need to make two servings:

A 2-quart pitcher
Freeze dried instant coffee. 1.5oz
Cherry drink mix(sugared). 6tbs
Peach drink mix(sugared). 6tbs
Tropical drink mix(sugared). 6tbs
Mountain Dew(any flavor). 2-12oz cans
Ice Cubes. 2 trays

Follow all the steps below in the order they are listed.

Step 1. Put all the sugared drink mixes into 2 quart container.

Step 2. Put the instant coffee. (At this point you’ll notice that there is probably much more Kool aid and coffee in the container, by a magnitude or two, than you would never use in any 8 drinks let alone two but I encourage you to ignore that voice in your head that’s warning you to cease and desist. The odds are you have a slightly better chance of surviving this drink than you would if you consumed actual methamphetamines.)

Step 3. Stir dry ingredients together.

Step 4. Pour 1 can of mountain dew into the container. And wait five minutes for the foam that occurs to subside. (Note: The chemical reaction (I.e. the eruption of kool aid colored foam) that takes place when mountain dew interacts with the dry ingredients is nothing to be alarmed by. This is perfectly normal when two extreme amounts of sugar and caffeine meet in a carbonated environment and does not, in any way, indicate the possibility of any abnormal side-effects once you have partaken of the finished beverage. Hmm….honestly? I don’t have any real science to back that statement up…I’m just saying.)

Adding a 5 hour energy shot to the recipe or replacing the mountain dew with a red bull is completely acceptable and even encouraged if you’re detoxing from either meth, weight watchers or some past donut and coffee abuse.

Step 5. Stir until the dry ingredients are fully diluted by the soda added in step 4. If the ingredients do not dilute completely now is the time to add the second can of soda to the container. This is because the saturation level of the liquid has been reached. (Because science [8^)

Step 6. Empty each ice cube tray into its own large drinking vessel. (think ‘Big Gulp’ cups or promotional cups from fast food joints)

Step 7. Let each drink sit for 10 minutes to allow for full & proper flavor maturation.

Step 8. Drink, sigh(maybe gasp…) and smile. The traditional way to consume this stunning beverage is to take it to the face(you know…guzzle it) while avoiding a kool aid smile, brain freeze and a fairly probable cardio infarction.

There is the potential for slight discomfort from tightness in the chest, shortness of breath and clamping of the jaw. This is to be expected and will subside shortly. And just like an erect– err, well…you know….If this persists for more than four hours please contact your physician immediately.

Rock on and Drink Safe

Daniel J. Royston
DOC #358054


Categories: Daniel Royston

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