as I sit here and think about everyone in my life its kinda of amazing. I was the poster child of a screw up.no, it wasn’t the way I was raised and there was no b.s. in my house.for some reason I just took that hard left turn and never looked back.I have two sisters and my dad out there.my mom died while I was in here and her best friend kinda came into my life as a god parent.that’s a whole other story though.when it comes to my sisters and dad I have stole from them, ruined our name in the community, and destroyed any type of relationship we ever had.for the first four years of this number I got myself together and figured out what makes me tick.I was a mess and still am to be honest.after the first four years came the time to rebuild the family.so for the past five years we have made great improvements.man was there a lot of bs we had to get through.but what I have come to find out is I don’t even know these people.they are my family but I was so wrapped up in myself I put them on the back burner and never got to know them. weird right.I’ve been ripping and runner since I was about eleven. I was big into bmx and skateboarding as a kid and my parents gave me a lot of freedom to go ride the trails.it was different back then.I just had to be home when the streetlights came on.remember those days.riding my bike and listening to korn and nirvana. that was the culture I was in and I think it influenced me a lot.sex drugs and rock n roll was the only thing on my mind.and man did I do it all.drugs got a hard grip on me when I was young.I just had no fear so I would do anything.I was popping pills smoking weed and stealing from stores that’s what got me to rehab at twelve. can you imaigin what kind of stress my parents were in. they did everything they could at the time I was just to much for them.like I said earlier I really think it was the culture I was in that steered me that way.that and I’m a folower not a leader. that might sound bad as you read it but its the truth and now that I know that I know what I’m looking for.I couldn’t lead a horse to water.but I follow directions real good.I wonder if that comes from all the time I have done.well that’s something I’ll have to think about.I’m way off the point of family where I first started.I’m not even sure I can reel it in.so I’m gone for today.thanks for reading my rambling.
John Higgins
DOC #573-408
Accepting mistake is the first step towards correction! every mistake comes with it’s own value if we learn that value we are definitely ready to move on! if your family will know that you are trying hard to regain their trust soon they will rejoin you don’t lose your hope keep doing your best!
“A fault realised is half corrected” they say. You’ve come a long way…just don’t look back. Keep taking the right direction and everything will fall in place…good luck, and don’t stop writing!
Sometimes my past haunts me John. My mind is not my soul, so it relives the tragedies I’ve spun around others. Most of my family loves me again, as I’ve been 27 years clean and haven’t killed anyone in 29 years.
But Science doesn’t lie. As evil as we can be, so can we be honorable. We are a pendulum of good and evil, right and wrong. The key is learning on which swing we are to act. And the choice is always yours. I used to weep for my miseries, now I weep because God and Jesus have forgiven me.
When ever I have doubts about my behavior, or stuck in my mind, they send me their Spirit to calm me.
True, you had a terrible start, but you can have a wonderful ending. Families are forever John, even if they are not with you now. Once we pass these veils behind in this mortal shell, all is apparent, and all are taught to love again.
God Bless you and keep you. Everything is up to you.