INMATE ADDICTIONS/DRUGS

“What does Change and Remorse look like? By: Johnetta Sullivan

Age 18 taken off the sreets, abusing drugs because of the things that happened to me.
One pill, two pills, three pills out of this world only to come back no longer free. I take responsibility for what I’ve done, but does that mean it was meant?
I cry, I speak the words I’m sorry frequently, but does that take away from the pain that I’ve caused others?
What constitute change, and remorse? Is it me saying, I’ve changed and crying all the time for people to see the hurt I’m in? Is it when you realize the error of your ways and want to become a better person and rise above stronger and wiser?
Is it for people to see, or a feeling you feel that others will never know?
Can you express remorse by wanting to go back to your broken places and wanting to help prevent people at a early age to end up where you are?
Is change visible? Can it be minipulated by actions of those who truly still have evil and hate in their heart just to have a second chance to hurt again?
Or is it something that’s hoped for by the people that want to believe you deserve a second chance?
Is remorse suicide attempts because you are hurting to bad because of the pain you caused others?
How could you tell when I’m crying that I’m remorseful for what I’ve done? Could it be I feel sorry for myself, For being confined my entire life?

Johnetta Sullivan
DOC #499347

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4 replies »

  1. It sounds like you are thinking a whole lot about what things mean. God knows your pain and weeps with you. He alone knows your thoughts better than you do, and he knows your remorse, your regrets, your hopes, your dreams. Keep talking to Him, keep aiming to use the pain you’ve experienced to help anyone who needs it. I wish you all the best, and all of God’s blessing on your life.

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  2. If you are willing to listen I can give you two examples of remorse. If you are willing to read and take a look and read it for yourself in the pages of the bible. The two men are in the gospels; true accounts. they were both taking place while Jesus was getting wrongfully convicted and tried with no jury; He had done nothing wrong. The Apostle peter was One that followed Jesus for three and a half years to deny him three times. Peter wept bitterly it says, he was remorseful. When Jesus rose from the dead, he restored Peter and gave him another chance. In the meantime while he was getting paid for betraying Jesus, Judas Iscariot soon felt and said that he betrayed innocent blood, he was also remorseful but soon after he went to hang himself. The difference between the both, They both showed remorse but Peter repented of what he had done, and then when Jesus restored him, then came change. We have a choice to clean up our own lives or we can choose to let Jesus do that for us. Jesus says, “We must be born again.

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  3. Well, all of those emotions need to be processed- and then you need to move past them. Guilt by itself in a emotion without purpose. Remorse is different, because you are sorry and want to change. One of the hardest parts is forgiving yourself. But you must. I am a believer and I know that God did not mean for us to stay broken, but be new people, free of our burdens which he carries. Often we would not judge anyone else as harshly as ourselves, which is illogical. Keep going!

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