This morning, I just found out that my (biological) father has died. He was around 85 years old. For years, I have been trying to find out where he and my sisters live, so that I could write them a letter to apologize for not being the son and brother that I should have been. It’s sad and heart breaking that I could not see him, talk with him, and share with him the man that I now am. How many of us have thousands of things that we would change or do differently if we had the chance? In 1978, and still a teen, was the last time that I saw him and my sisters. That was 46 years ago. For many years, I made an effort to change my behavior and think more about other people’s feelings, but I still wished that he knew the kind of person that I am now.
The Chaplain told me the news. That my sister (Jennifer) wanted me to know and that my sisters are taking care of all the funeral arraignments, yet that she still didn’t want me to have her contact information. Even though that’s sad too. There is some good news, that my sisters are alive and they know where I am. The Chaplain also said that Jennifer has kids, so I’m an uncle.
My advice to anyone (before it’s to late) is become genuinely interested in your people and cultivate them. Call them and send them letters, cards, and emails. Be there for them, help them out, spend time with them, and care about them. And, if you don’t have anyone, just volunteer at any organization, church, or food bank. There is always somebody who’s way worse off then you. It’s true that there are a lot of lonely people out there who can use your company.
This news, probably would have been more devastating if I didn’t have my surrogate family, the Garst’s, whose unwavering love and support for the last 26 years is always appreciated and needed. When others gave up hope, they never did. It was their unconditional love that helped me mature and became the man I am now. And, to Jennifer for informing me of our father’s passing. Again, sorry for not being the brother that you deserved. Finally, to Taylor Swift: No need to help me find my father and sisters, but thank you for sharing that writing is important. That journaling is important. Even though, I just started writing, I can say that I am a writer and journalist. I know that grammar is important too, but I’ll learn that as I go to being the number one writer in the world! Besides, I’ll just write as I Speak Now.
Can you all do me a favor? Tell your fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, kids, and grandparents that you love them! You’ll never know when the last time will come.
Sincerely,
James R. Carlson, #073536
Contact Info:
Mr. James R. Carlson #073536
Central Arizona Correctional Facility
PO Box 9600 - PMB #173
Florence, AZ 85132
Email: https://www.securustech.net
Click the link above, then search for James Carlson in the state of Arizona. The facility on Securus is listed as AZ DOC Inmate Services
I’m estranged from most of my kids and grand daughter. They act as if I never existed. Maybe I can start writing letters.