About a year ago I received a letter from a west coast fishing guide. The letter really upset me. Felt like a knife in my back. I tore it up. But then … I gathered the torn pieces together and folded it back and put into the envelope to keep. He was my best friend. Reading the letter, I discovered that I would have a hard time when I get released from these rocks. When I start to set course on a new life after being shipwrecked all these years, I will face a lot of heavy currents in route to a welcoming port. I already knew that. It was just reinforced. The longer you are away locked up, they forget who you used to be. They forget your good attributes; how you interacted with them and others before the ugly secret came to light. I became addicted to pornography which led to child pornography. I am more than ashamed and remorseful.
Don’t do what I did. Stop. Consider the following: Are you–
Wanting to cut down or stop using, but not managing to
Spending a lot of time to get, use, or recover from use
craving
Inability to manage commitments due to use
Continuing to use, even when it causes problems in relationships
Giving up import ant activities because of use
Continuing to use, even when it puts you in danger
Continuing to use, even when physical or psychological problems may be made worse by use
Increasing tolerance
Withdrawal symptoms
If you answered: Fewer than 2=no disorder; 2- 3=mild disorder; 4-S=moderate disorder; 6 or more= sever disorder source: American Psychiatric Association, (2013)
I attend “Seven Pillars of Freedom’, a faith-based sex addiction program. I have learned that sexual addictions are not rare, but rather more common than most people realize.
I was ‘severe’. Yet when I discussed this with another group of men that are in here for like behavior, who are not programming, but sleeping their time off, they argue. After some thought, most sex offenders here at FCI Loretto have at least a mild disorder with mostly moderate disorder.
When most men realize how damaging their behavior is to family, themselves, but also to others, they become honest with themselves. They too need help fighting the demons.
Please, if you know someone that may be involved in on-line pornography addiction, seek help. It can and will destroy your own life, and if it deepens into child pornography, destroys many innocent ones as well. I’m in recovery.
Captain Rebound
Mark Brown
#53540-018
FCI Loretto
Cressen, PA 16630
