Before I came to prison and decided to follow God, I was a very evil person. I practiced a very dark form of Satanism for years without thought. I even ran from God when He tried to show me who He is. I dealt with heavy drug use and was a very dark individual. There were nights where I would tell God how bad I despised Him. I blamed Him for my various form of abuse, for why I was placed into group homes, and I blamed Him for being the reason why my real parents abandoned me as a baby.
It took me 26 years to truly see what it was that was truly behind all of those events. It had nothing to do with God, it was the powers and principalities mentioned in Ephesians 6:12 that I have been fighting all along. It was a war of right and wrong at that moment. I couldn’t even try to disprove God because He spared me from the death penalty and from natural life in prison. I started to see the good outweigh the bad.
I started to see where God was moving in my life the entire time, but I was just to blind to see it. Whenever I felt unloved or even unwanted, He was right there the entire time helping me through that emotion. When I was feeling as if no one understood me, I came to realise that God has felt the same way before.
It is sad that I had to come to prison to truly believe in God and to fully follow Him, but at least it wasn’t to late.
Ever since my devotion to follow His Will over my life and not chase after my own desires, my case has been reopened due to new evidence, I have reestablished contact with two of my kids, my family has come around to be here for me, and I have experienced a peace inside that I never knew could be possible.
It doesn’t matter what type of life you are living now, or what type of life you may have lived in the pass. God loves you and is wanting a relationship with you. He can use your history to touch someone else’s life. You may never know what God can do with the little you feel like you have to offer until you allow Him to take hold and use you.
It is always one thing to have a testimony of what God has spared you from and delivered you from, but it’s an entirely different experience to have a living testimony to what He is doing now that causes you to live in His presence.
I still get down and out sometimes feeling as if I am invisible to people in my family that have yet to come around, but then I remember the song “You Say” by Lauren Daigle, and it feels like those emotions just melt away.
I still stumble and get tripped up, but a righteous man will fall several times but pick himself back up (Proverbs 24:17).
I am only made righteous due to Jesus Christ living in me. I encourage you to seek out the plan and purpose God has for your life. He will not let you down. Don’t think that serving God is easy, because it is the hardest thing you will ever do.
Nothing about being a Christian is easy, but knowing that there is a Father up in a Heavenly realm that will handle things on your behalf if you turn to Him and allow Him to move, is what makes life living in the Spirit of the Most High worth every moment.