Getting Back on Track, by Roger Black Jr.

I know that this COVID-19 has thrown a wrench into everyone’s daily going about; and my thoughts and prayers are with y’all daily.

By Roger S. Black Jr

Have you been to the brink,
at the lowest you could sink?

Have you thought of ways to die,
so alone and hurt that you can’t even cry?

Ever dreamed of falling asleep for good,
wishing that this is the day you would?

Ever wondered who would hear when you die,
who would even care, who’d bat an eye?

Ever felt the lightness knowing it would soon end,
A sense of freedom, in eternity you’d soon stand.

(That poem was written when I felt hopeless, worthless, and as though the whole world was out to get me. I am in a better place mentally and emotionally now.)

I have been procrastinating far too long. I have been wanting to get back into my daily Bible reading, get on a steady workout, and I have been wanting to get my poetry published. I keep coming up with excuses, and that provides all the reason I need in order to keep putting it off. I am done putting it off. I am getting back into my daily Bible reading and on my workout. Lately I have been listening to nothing but Christian music. I am not impartial to any one genre. I have been streaming music for a couple weeks, so I have found new artist. Unfortunately, my streaming service is about to expire, and it may be a while before I get the GTL links in order to stream music again. Our radio stations don’t come in well on our tablets, but I have some music I have bought on Jpay. Music is my mental escape from the negativity I am surrounded by. Although I am relying solely on state pay, I am making a point in getting at least one new song every month. Most songs range between $1.54-2.13. As far as a workout goes, I am making a point in doing something everyday. I may not be much, but it beats nothing at all. Guys have commented on the size I have put on in a short period, but some of that is attributed to the meds that I take. I am on three different meds for depression and anxiety. Although I dislike taking meds, I can tell that they have me balanced out. I am dealing with things much better than usual. I am getting it together. As for this poetry publication, I am writing some poems to send out to publishers. Once I get the envelopes, I will send out the poems. I want my proceeds to go into a trust for Amarah. My baby girl is my world. I want to provide for her the best way I possibly can.

I am looking for someone that I can talk to about my Spiritual walk and struggles I face with not being able to be the father I desire to be for my daughter. I have written several churches asking for help, but I never heard back from any of the churches. So I am going to use my entries as a way to process my thoughts. If I go off on little rants that have nothing to do with the topic of my entry, I apologize now. Talking is the easiest way for me to process my thoughts. Talking to guys in here typically lead to more frustration; misery loves company. I have tried to talk to my daughter’s mother, not such a good idea. So, I will share my thoughts with you. Anything you would like to discuss? I am more than willing to hear you out. I will post a poem in my next entry. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Roger Black #729370
PO Box 740
London, Ohio 43055

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