Jakob Helleis

The Flood, The Cross, A Day In California (A poem), by Jakob Helleis

He heard the story on the news before
Going to sleep:Fresno man on meth murders mother.
He wondered who it could of been.
His cellie turned the volume down.

Morning came as dread that pained his bones.
The 8oclock news showed his home,
His brothers face “I hoped it was his mother in law”
His mothers face.He needed to see again
And again,and again,and again what he saw.

“I’m going to help you guys
Even if it kills me,I’m going to help
You guys even if it kills me,I’m going
To help you guys even if it kills me…”
His mothers’ voice repeated in his head
Like a recurring nightmare.

“When my dad died,it made me stronger.
It made me realize I’m not supposed to be
A little bitch ass thug but the man I became.He’s why I went sny…
I just can’t understand why…
I told my brother the dope they make now isn’t the same as we smoked,
They put shit in there that fucks you up.
The last time I talked to him,he was talking to him self…
My mom and I got him in that program,got him that help…
I just can’t understand.I keep thinking :
Why,why,why,why,why,why my mom had to go this way,
Why….”

He ended looking at me as if I might have an answer,
He ended with us both wondering why his
Brother whom the rest of the family forsaken expect him
And their mother did what he did.

“I want to fuck someone up so bad,
But no one deserves that hate that only that coward deserves…”
His teary eyes must of glowed with more murder
Than Cains’ or the falling Lucifer.

The warden denied his request to say his last goodbyes
For reasons sufficing as much as all
The possible answers to all of Lifes’ why’s.
Paroling promises more liberties than prison.

Jakob Helleis
DOC #AA-1134

Categories: Jakob Helleis, poems

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