NARRATOR: I am your narrator, Trap on Top of Trap, this is a Prime Time Original skit entitled, Chow Time. In this day and age everybody wants to eat, which means going the extra mile for something. We find ourselves in Pops BBQ Chicken and Waffles.
(THUGGULARY (TG) and JACK-BOY(JB), enters the restaurant as POPS (PP), stands behind the counter)
PP: Welcome to Pops’ BBQ Chicken and Wafles, how can I help you?
TG: This is a knock off of Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles.
PP: I resent that, first of all, my name is Pops, not Roscoe, and I serve BBQ chicken not fried chicken.
JB: But the menu the same, the prices the same, the colors the same, and–
PP: (Interrupts) Foy, you talk too much, what’s your name?
JB: I’m Jack-boy
PP: Um-hum, and what’s your name?
TG: I’m Thuggulary.
PP: Thuggulary, what the hell is a Thuggulary?
TG: I’m a thug that commits burgulary.
PP: Let me get this straight, you gotta Jack-Foy, and a thug that commit burglary…Well, you know what they say, birds of a feature get shot together.
JB: You threatening us, old man.
PP: I’d never do that, I am not just a restapeuener, I am also a preacha.
TG: You ain’t no preacher, I heard back in the day you use to be a pimp.
PP: Foy, I see you trying to make me go back to when I was sinnin’ and grinnin’… When I had a diamond in the back, sunroof top, digging in the scene with the gangsta lean. Woo-woo.
JB: Old man–
PP:: (interrupts) Old man, who you callin’ old man? Now, ya daddy he old. He so old he was with Moses when he parted the Red Sea, talkin’ ’bout let me get some of them catfish. See, I’ma preacha, I know these things.
TG: [takes out gun] Old man, put the money in the bag.
JB: [takes out gun] Yeah, you know what its hitting fa.
PP: Fellas, you don’t wanna do that.
TG: Why not?
PP: I studied under Bruce Leroy, I don’t have the glow, cuz I don’t smoke that stuff.
TG:[raise gun to PP] What that got to do with anything?
PP: I guess nothing. I just thought you was looking for him. Figured he owed you money, he owe everybody. Borrowed money from me in ’02. Maybe it was ’92. Coulda been ’82. All I know it had somerhing to do with a 2.
TG: So what.
JB: Hold up Thggulary, Bruce Leroy owe me money too.
TG: Bruce Leroy ain’t real.
JB: Yes he is, he borrowed money from me 2 years ago.
PP: See, told ya, it had something to do with 2.
TG: Bruce Leroy was the dude on “The Last Dragon.”
JB: Sho’ ya right, Sho-Nuff. (to PP) You tried to trick me, old man.
PP: I don’t do no trickin’. I might make it rain, but I don’t do no trickin’. Trickin’ for suckas.
JB: What you call making it rin?
PP: I call it making a booty investment.
TG: Man, if you don’t give up the money, it’s over!
PP: Listen son, Thou shall not rob Pops, it say so in the Bible.
TG: That’s not in the Bible.
PP: Of course it is, it’s in Saint Biggie Smalls, Chapter 1, versus 1, and it reads as such: It’s gonna be alot of slow singing and flower bringing if my burglar alarm starts ringing.
JB (raps) What you think all the guns is for–
TG: (interrupts) That’s not in the Bible.
JB: I don’t know, that sound like it could be in the Bible, I know I heard it before.
TG: Listen, don’t let this dude–
[PP walks close to JB]
PP: You think you a man with that gun?
JB: I’ma man without it. See, you don’t understand.
PP: I understand, your generation are cowards. You think you need a gun to prove you’re a man. Back in the day all we had was these. (raise fists) You win some, you lose some, but you live to fight another day…Put the gun down.
[JB puts the gun down, and raise his fist]
PP: Now you a man.
[PP tries to reach for the gun. TG see him, and puts his gun to PP’s head]
TG: Touch that gun, and it’s over.
PP: I was just stretching, I was doing Tai Bow.
TG: Shut up! (to JB) And you, you need to concentrate.
JB: My bad.
PP: It don’t look like ya’ll too good at this. Why don’t you try something else.
JB: This all we know.
PP: That ain’t true, think back to when you was kids. What did you wanna be. I know it wasn’t a robber.
JB: No, I wanted to be a stripper.
PP: Foy, you wanted to shake your ass for cash?
JB: Yeah, but I didn’t want to be a regular stripper. I wanted to be a beat boxing stripper. (starts beat boxing and taking off his clothes)
PP: Hey Foy, stop that! You got skill, I know you can do your thing. Now go down to Club Booty Shake’em Up, and tell’em Pops sent you. You’ll be making cash money.
JB: Fa real? That’s what I’ma do.
TG:JackBoy, don’t be stupid, he trying to play you.
PP: I am not, and what you wanted to be?
TG:You can’t play mental games with me, old man.
PP: Aww-aw, you didn’t want to be nothing.
TG:I wanted to be something, I wanted to be Big Daddy Kane.
PP:My Foy! You wanted to be a rapping playa pimp. Why didn’t you?
TG:Nobody gave me a break.
PP:Now, ya foy, he got skills, do you have skills?
TG: (raps)I tell her, gone pop that thing for a real nig/I already know that life is deep, but I still dig her/Niggs is jealous, but rreally I can care less/I’m in Hell’s Kitchen with an apron and a hair net/Devil on my shoulder, the Lord is my witness/On my Libra scale, I’m weighing sins and forgiveness.
PP:Foy, that was good, you gotta New Orleans flow.
JB:Man, I heard that before.
TG:No you didn’t that was an original.
PP:It sure was, son (to audience) Carter 4 (to TG)Have you ever heard of Chicken and Watermelon Gangsta Records?
TG:That’s the trillest record label in the world.
PP:Big Homie Fat is my cousin, go see him, and tell’em Pops sent you, and you’ll be the next Lil Wayne.
TG:Who? Never heard of him.
TG:I’m bout to go to CWG Records right now.
JB: And I’ma go to Club Booty Shake’em Up
PP:Handle ya business, its chow time.
PP:Lucky they left, I was just about to do’em something nasty. Young punks tried to rob me. I handled my business though…Man, I was so scaried, almost done a #2 on myself.
NARRATOR:When its chow time, its time to use you skill to handle your business. Holla!!
Categories: Eyba Brown
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