Being a human is an extremely simple thing to do. It’s in “being human” that things tend to get difficult. When you’re born you are born a human. If you never do anything during your life or if you do more than ten(10) people should be capable of doing you will always be the textbook definition of a human being. But the act of being “human”, with all of the physical, mental, and emotional responsibility is a completely different thing.
The aspects that shape us as people start at a very early age and are ingrained in each individual differently. There are always going to be some things that are alike in the shaping of each individual but the differences end up being exponentially different per the individual.
I was born to an alcoholic mother that gave me up at an early age, “got better”, got me back. It turns out that she hadn’t gotten better and she lost me for good. The most important woman in my life failed me.
I associated this failing to all females and made t a point to never let it happen again. I wouldn’t give another female, or person for that matter, the chance to hurt me. I would “hurt” them first. Not physically, because I abhor violence, but by taking everything that I wanted from the relationship and only giving as much as I thought I needed to in order to keep the relationship going. When I could feel my “control” slipping I would break it off so that I didn’t get hurt. Oh, but it did hurt and bad!
At some point in our lives we need to realize that in being human we have ultimate control over one thing- ourselves. Nothing more, nothing less. We either accept and deal with life as it comes or make changes in ourselves to make life better.
Some people thrive on relationships that involve love and caring. Some “thrive” on relationships where they fight all of the time, whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional.. I cannot decide what is right or wrong for another person.
I realized- at 39 years old- that the only common denominator in all of my “problems” was me. Sure, bad things happened, but I had ultimate control over how to deal with those things. I didn’t even try to learn the right way to deal with things and it cost me my life, not to mention all of the pain that I caused others.
I can only hope that this might help somebody look at the way they are living and make them understand that it really is up to them as to how they live their lives and that if they aren’t happy with life, they need to make changes within themselves. Because no matter how hard you try you can’t change life but you can change you.
David A Frederick
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