Most importantly shout out to my babies,Though your damn near grown I will forever identify you as my fruit/seed’s..Deshawn,Keshawn,Keshawna,Travis!!!I use to hear the term dead beat daddy a lot add to that, that my pops was the exact manifestation of the word according to my mother as well as the household, what I quickly began to tell myself is if one day I have kid’s they’ll know I loved them because they’ll never want for anything…Though I had the right energy as it pertains to The love,My energy was misguided.I was showing them love in all the wrong Way’s…I honestly thought that being a dad was being able to provide material wealth by way of new Jordan’s, Power wheel’s,The flyest clothes money could buy and being a fly dad,I was a conscious fool,who thought he was cool,starting to feel the affects of not going to school…..
yeah,I learned quick what being a father consisted of,I was learning from experience rather than the natural nature of a household of both my parent’s shaping and moulding me into a man as I was born to be,with no example or male figure to balance my mental/emotional attitudes,The street’s and my mother fathered me and soon not having a father never really bothered me,my reality was pork ramen noodles and Colet greens,to drinking liquor smoking cigarettes and weighing crack on triple beams….
Yeah,my first seed was born 1999 my lil man keshawn the joy of my life,I wanted a monster I was so caught up in the street fame I was already unconsciously destroying my own son by perpetuating Tenet’s of a thug life in his presents with drug’s,blood money and gun’s.Watch your thought’s for they will become your reality…Ha ha,What’s not funny is keshawn is the Portsmouth regional jail as we speak for offense’s identical to mines!Minds!!!
Yeah,My daughter was born a year later 2000 baby, I remember getting father lessons one on one,I’m layed up with my queen one night out Lincoln park projects, and our daughter who is a few month’s old started to emulate Justin Timberlake song by crying a river…I was in complete shock and wanted no part’s of it,I sat up in the bed looked at my queen and said stop her from crying…She sent me on runs to buy pampers I was clueless about. looking for milk And a endless supply of Newport’s…It was getting so stressful it was night’s I quit on her,I wanted to enjoy her but the babies was in the way I was getting jealous of them getting all the attention…I would wake up,Ma I got to go…What for???you can’t keep leaving them on me and thinking buying them shit is being a father,she was in real tears…my response was shit,if I don’t hit the block to get this paper I can’t feed no one, I love I’ll be back the line got so old,what followed it and me was bottle’s through my car windows and my clothes and video game’s for the a spectacle for the hood…
Damn,pa was born a mean lil mother fucker he was me ten time’s and I knew it soon as he was born,he was born a hustler till that point in my life I tryed to settle down and get a job,Working at the same company as my queen was probably the biggest mistake I had ever made,she jealous seeing shit that never happened monitoring my breaks,shit it was so bad I use to throw hand signs to Chick’s like I was death thinking nesha place bugs on me,The 9-5 didn’t work that was a peasant life style for me I’d rather be in prison doing a 100,000 a year off illegal substances or in a grave!!!I despised a square life…for you know it I was done and back with a gun in a pack…proverbs 22.6 Train a child up in the way he should go and we he gets older he will not depart from it…
Yep,the pride of the pack brah brah,my youngest son deshawn I got to see him one time,and that was as a new born my queen bought him to see me at the Suffolk regional jail when I was fighting for my life for the cases I’m currently being held captive for,He’s genetic make up is unique for the most part we share the same mole on our faces that my mother has,he’s super tall the opposite of me and his mother,I think he gets it from his mother side of the family,deshawn is a good kid unalike the rest he stays in the gym he Love’s basketball, and just sames real bright as is all of my kid’s, we recently started building a father and son relationship to whereas I feel I exist to motivate and push him as I’ve never been pushed…In a nutshell,we become products of our environments emulating what we see our experiences bring about our lack of understanding,I can’t be what I’ve never seen ,a father.We have for the most part fell victim to the system of self hate disunity to whereas most family members who posses the family structure or foundation allows pety disputes,false pride and egos hinder us from doing our duty it has always took a village to raise a child,because it is this village of love and experience that instills the principles of family values to our young…Being a true father entails various task,I use to amazed at the labor and sacrifices a mother gos through to bring a child in this world,I’m still amazed…Now as a man I understand why I thought she had the toughest of duties because I wasn’t doing a damn thing,Sitting in prison actually having to reflect and grow up quick being surrounded by so much chaos and confusion, then having so much time to analize the pain,hurt and misery of losing everything you once held so dear,at this point you either find yourself or you lose yourself, I can say beyond doubt our roles are equal as it pertains to responsibility, I must be a father to my organ’s, eating the right foods,reading the right foods..So that I can properly raise my children im forever indept to all original people struggling and striving in poverty especially the youth stuck in the matrix, I build for you and the lil thugs on the block thinking life is over,Nah it just started once you kill that old mentality. Peace!!!
Travis Tucker # 1091722
Nottoway correctional center
Po box 488
burkeville va 2392