~ There was no turning back~
Do you ever get the feeling that you don’t belong? well… this was the stagnant condition of my life at home.
It all seemed to begin when my mother and step father made the decision to combine our families into the dis-functional setting it would later become.
I was about seven or eight years old when we moved. A block or so away from my new school, Helen Keller Elementary. This would turn out to be a breeding ground for my constant depression. The beginning of my decline into a social outcast.
However negative this part of my life would be, I had one silver lining. My big sister. I worshiped the ground she walked on as if it was holy. Her confidence,her style,her attitude and above all else her womanhood. This is what I wanted! This is the person I desired to be! I loved her as the role model she was for me, even though that love would not be reciprocated…
I remember I was about nine years of age when my big sister played “dress-up” with me openly for the first time. I wore skinny jeans, a red bra, black v-crop form fitting T-shirt, my moms leather jacket and her black high heel boots. This is one of the many reasons why I loved my sister. She didn’t care about what others thought. To this day I secretly think she knew what I really wanted in life.
I find it funny… When your a child its OK for you to experiment with behavior typically belonging to the opposite gender you were born as. Your family thinks its cute and funny, however if you continue that behavior moving into puberty you become some sort of freak, or a disgrace in the eyes of those that are supposed to love you unconditionally.
When I “dressed-up” that day everything felt like it fit, as if it was meant to be. My family accepted my behavior in a cutesy joking manner, but I knew without a doubt in my mind that this is who I was, This is who I would become. The outfit I wore that day solidified the inevitable and irreversible change into the person(woman) I am today.
The was no turning back!
Categories: Dakota Wolf