Well, it took me a long time to answer that question, and I would like to share with you this peace that I have found in my own life so that maybe hearing about my peace would help you to possibly find your own peace faster than I did.
My peace first started with an understanding. Now my understanding may not be the same understanding that you need to find your own peace, but I will share my understanding as a example of how my eye’s were all at once opened to the pain that was blocking my peace and love from coming into my life.
I was sitting alone in a max security prison cell twenty four seven except for the forty minutes I was put in another holding cell that had a phone. I was allowed to use this phone a few days a week depending on if the guard was in a good mood or not.
I am sitting in this cell just steaming mad because I am not able to understand why I am so angry at this moment other than I am being treated like a wild vicious animal that just malled and killed a bus full of nuns. My crime was speaking angerly to a guard, and flipping my prison ID on a table.
I was not all that mad for being put in the hole, I was angry before I was in the hole, I was angry everyday of my life as far back as I can remember. But now sitting in this hole for an unjust reason was really pushing me to a place I never wanted to go again in my life.
But here I was entertaining these pissed off insane thoughts, of how to hurt those that are hurting me. With no understanding that it was I that was causing my own pain, and suffering not just tonight but my entire life.
For some reason I started asking myself a simple question, why are you so angry? The response I got back was almost instantaneous from this dialog going on in my head. You have been angry your whole life because of the hypocrisy, and injustice in the world.
It was just so matter of fact but why for all of these years could I not see this basic truth? I really do not know the answer but it was like someone flipped a light switch in my head and I was now reflecting back 10 years ago when I was in closed custody at Walla Walla. I was watching a documentary on something about Budist monks. In this documentary they were talking about a Budist belief that all of humanity is insane except for a couple of the enlightened ones.
As I though about this perspective on humanity being insane I had to agree, the monks did have a point because everyone on this planet is insane to many different degrees.
Not everyone is a stark raiving loonitic but just look at the way humanity operates. Humans are in a constant state of crisis over some of the simplest things. Our world leaders are fighting wars, killing people all over the globe for many different reasons but most of these reasons are not good reasons to ever kill someone.
The list goes on about the insanity in the world but that’s not my point. My points is I now could see that which had been making me angry my entire life was the insanity of humanity. Now that I had the understanding that man is truly crazy and irrational in the world, it was not surprising that I too had been acting in this same insanity. The monks are right, so how can I get upset because an insane person is treating me unjustly, or being a hyprocrit.
If I get angry at the actions of an insane person expecting them to act sane then I am insane right along with them.
The view that I adopted was one of understanding, and compassion for this person and I was truly sadden by their lack of understanding and not being capable to see the insane miserable world that they are trapped in, in their own minds because that was once me.
Because I had lived through so many years of the insanity myself and felt the pain and confusion that comes with it, I am really able to have real empathy for people.
What I did not realize at the time of my eye openned to understanding was not only could I now be free of the insanity of the world, but I was just starting a new path in my life of real love.
With my new understanding I was now open to this new beautiful force we call love.
I really never had a understanding of pure love until I could really see the world around me. The true reality not the made up insanity that humans live daily.
That night in the hole when I received this understanding that all of humanity is insane it was litteraly as if a giant yoke of impossibly heavy wood was lifted from my shoulders. I could not believe how light, and freeing I felt in that moment even though I was still locked in a physical concrete box. I had found my peace.
Its kind of like being an alcoholic in recovery.
When you find your peace it takes work to stay there.
Then after a few day of this new found excitement,
it eventually looses its appeal and starts to ware off.
If you are not careful,
the old insane selfish thoughts will creep back in to your way of thinking.
But don’t get disheartened just allow yourself to understand this is the old insane way you used to think.
To this day I will slip and let that insane thought just walk across my conscious and I have to look at it and say to myself, ”That is the path back down to misery, and I never what to revisit that hell on earth again.”
I now am growing everday in my love, kindness, compassion, and understanding and it feels really good because I truly know this is right.
The way man is to live.
Even now as I speak I am growing in my understanding because I am reflecting back to the teaching of Jesus and his message of love. And if you really listen to this message you are able to see the purity in what Jesus was teaching.
Now that I have this love that comes from my understanding I am truly able to get the teachings of Jesus and really apply them to my life.
You do not have to walk on water to be like Jesus. Just understand Jesus never spoke about himself in having supernatural powers. His message was one of love, peace, kindness, compassion, and understanding.
My hope is that if you are reading this that it might in some way help you to receive your own understanding and It would prevent you from years of misery and insanity.
Sean K Lancaster
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Categories: Sean Lancaster