As I lay here typin this so-called blog, I can’t help but to think bout all the many disappointments, let downs, heart breaks, discouragements and so much more shit I been thru with the outside world since bein in prison since I was 15. I apologize for the language that may come up, but I’m not gonna hide how I feel.
I chose to do this inmateblogger in hopes that it would help me find real friends, but especially people that care bout those locked up and would help with my project. But jus like all the other times I’ve tried to reach out to the outside world, I always seem to run into another disappointment, discouragement, let down and who knows what else.
Prison is made to deprive us prisoners from life and it seems like so many out there jus don’t care, by goin along with the deprivation. Y’all choose not to get involved with prisoners because of automatic judgement, not even givin a prisoner a chance to show you who he/she really is. And I speak of this cuz I’ve experienced it more than I can handle. Its the outside that causes us in here to loose hope, to feel discouraged, to develop mental issues from heartache (so-called family, friends and relationships go south on top of all the other bullshit we gotta go thru in here).
I honestly feel like this is jus a waste of my time. I’m always wonderin when am I ever gonna find someone that really cares, but then I get hit with realization that I’m not goin to. I have no real support, but its clear that nobody cares. And I guess you gotta be locked up for certain things jus to get support or help of any kind.
Nearly every day I think bout jus sendin everything, never havin to be disappointed, let down or discouraged again. I have cuts all over my legs and arms due to the attempts I made on my own life, but the system wants me to endure every last bit of my sufferin, jus like it seems the outside world does to.
I’m not gonna speak on no more, cuz I know nobody really cares. If you did, I feel I’d have heard from someone by now. But everybody jus seems to think of themselves, besides those that at least try to really help us by givin us a voice. But what is their help if it even don’t have an effect on the outside?
James Ward
DOC #A517461
I’m sending prayers for you🙏🏽