The only thing stronger than a lover’s love is a lover’s hate; which is incurable and endless. The month of Ramadan is amongst us. and fasting from everything bad is mandatory. The life we live is recorded through our actions. Whether we act or react or remain inactive we have to deal with the results or consequences or rewards of those decisions. I’m dealing with the aftermath of the life I was living over 5 years ago. I’ve lost everything I thought was dear to me at this point. I feel like I’m alone in life and I literally can’t talk to anyone about how I feel. I don’t even know if this is getting out to the blog for a fact because there’s nobody in my corner or by my side. Today I found out some disturbing things and it made me realize that people move on. The life I had before this is no longer there. The good that was there is gone. The family I thought I had and was working to get back to cease to exist. Its clear to me now why phone calls go unanswered and jpay emails go unread and unanswered and letter in the mail have no reply. I’m no longer someone that’s thought about, cared about, or wanted, or needed. Whenever I do get the chance to have a phone conversation the thought of me and everything we just talked about immediately becomes irrelevant just like the emails and letters in the mail. I must have been the fool to think that I could be loved from a jail cell. I’m so stupid that I actually thought that I could make things better and be supportive and positive and continue to write letters and call and send emails even if they go ignored or forgotten. I remained optimistic and persistent in my attempts to be someone who cares and loves. It just wasn’t good enough. I never thought I be here alone with nobody to turn to, nobody to understand me, nobody to forgive me, nobody to say its go be OK and I’m here for you too, or I got your back no matter what because I love you too!! SMH its crazy how life can throw curve balls and change in a matter of moments. Spirituality I’m grounded, physically in sound, mentally I’m focused, but emotionally I’m at 0%. My heart has been broken and ripped open and stepped on. Idk who to trust and where what life I’ll have when I leave prison soon. I just don’t know anymore??? How do I react to what I’ve become aware of?? Do I move on as well or settle?? Insha Allah we all find happiness and Insah Allah I find it sooner than later. We all have Allah’s blessings and the opportunity to believe. Being depressed and down and antisocial isn’t healthy in this environment or any environment for that matter. Unfortunately I deal with it day by day. I have to keep my faith and believe in Allah and act accordingly. Ramadan means to burn and I need to burn these negative thoughts. My suggestion to the world is prayer. Everybody needs to pray and needs to be prayed for as well. Thank you for listening… Faith, Hope, Love… Stay safe out there, stay focused, stay strong, be happy.. have patience!!
I.E. ….meaning of Abdul-Haleem Raqeeb (Servant of Allah – Having Patience, Being Watchful)
PS.. Happy Birthday LaNycee I love and miss you Princess!!!
Da’Von Joshua Motley Sr. (Abdul- Haleem RaQeeb)
Allen Correctional Institution
P.O. Box 4501
Lima, OH 45802
Categories: Da'Von Motley Sr.