Maybe you have a lil information on my situation on why I am in prison the reason is because I had a major fallout with my ex girlfriend and I threatened to burn her house down even went through the motions and poured the gas but I couldn’t bring myself to actually do it .I never knew that anyone could bring me to the point where I could act out that way I was way beyond pissed off. we had a crazy history I was 25 she was 33 with 4 kids I was a young drug dealer I guess that was her type but she was a good person though that’s why I liked her as much as I did and she was my type curvy with a pretty face I was young and did not care what anyone thought it’s my life this is how I am living long story short I fall in love get locked up she is pregnant but has an abortion this is my 1st child ever. I have to do 5years she does nothing for me my whole bid I come home my sister has a party for me and she shows up old feelings start brewing I go home with her I love her but she is lying about everything so I leave her for about 2months then end up getting back with her when you just get released from prison I don’t know what it is but you can get sex by accident I never had that much fun in my life in that two months but sex is just sex when you have feelings for some body it’s a whole different story I didn’t get back with her for the sex I got back with her cause she made me feel good when I was with her I am a simple guy I handle all the major issues on my own it is the little things that mean the world to me intimate detail and being very attentive was her thing and I loved it after being away for 5 years then being right back in a relationship then leaving for 2months then coming back made me realise her sex wasn’t nothing to be extra excited about she just had a big butt that’s all it was the person that made it all worth it.the night I got arrested she wanted to go to a hotel I just wanted to talk but I didn’t know how to express the way I felt I didn’t do relationships I don’t know why she just didn’t say what she wanted to say when we had met up that night it would of saved me a lot of trouble that night that’s kool though I have changed into a person. that I am very pleased with and my growth has been tremendous through out my prison bid I think about her but I understand that I can never be with this woman again so how about your family’s stake in all this one of my sisters lives with her my mom likes her and my older sister and her are friends I am also kool with this just because I am in a position where you have your own life to live plus I am never a down and out type of guy when I am released from prison I am not looking back.I felt like shit for years so I tried to express that but I got caught up in the fanasty of something that’s not real how many times do I have to pour out my heart just for the sake of me not wanting to look like the rest of the assholes that you had in your life and from the bottom of my heart I apologize again if you are reading this the internet is a amazing thing during my prison bid I wouldn’t couldn’t bring myself to even socialize with female staff or officers I don’t care what anyone says I know when a female is flirting with you it happens every where even prison we are not exempt lil things like that keep us alive inside we still human we will be released one day I could not even exchange a lil harmless banter just cause I know I feel like I am a fucked up person I know I’m not but I know that the trickle down of what I did was crazy I’m understanding of every aspect of my actions I know what it feels like to be hurt so I used whatever channels I could so I could get my message out I’m tender I don’t care that’s how I felt I had to get it out now because I am not going back to prison over a bad relationship I miss living as I see fit and I refuse to not know my worth all the love I put out I am worth getting it back tenfold the days of me missing out are over life is not going to be easy but I know that it’s not going to be hard either it’s just time for me to go to work go to work on everything
Love, Peace ,Happiness,and Equality
Antwan Hood
DOC #451232c/967018
