For the most part of my life I’ve never been the type to blatantly lie to those I care about. Me and my friends always lived by the “keep it real” motto. That was the code we lived by and swore to uphold it until death. You can say it was our neighborhood culture belief. If you had to present false statements in order to be accepted by anyone then you wasn’t being accepted for being “real” therefore you are fake as a cartoon and it’s dangerous to be around those kinds of people is what we believed. Since I’ve made the most ignorant decision of my life and married a person I did not know while I was in prison it has became apparent and easier to become that “fake” person. It’s such a shame that I have to be this fake in order to keep some kind of sanity and in order to survive. My idea of marriage was being with a person that made your heart cry when you knew you wasn’t being 100% honest with them because they deserved nothing less than honesty at all times. That WAS also my definition of love. It’s hard to teach love when I’ve never been taught how to love. But I struggle everyday to love at my best. But to keep my sanity I had to redefine my definition of love with an evil intent. That’s crazy right? It’s not so crazy when a person took advantage of your vulnerability and has loved you with evil intent. In order for me to display love with evil intent I have to become that “fake” person I swore I’d never be. SMH!
Categories: Wayne Harris