The trickle down to my situation is crazy there is a whole process that you have to go thru like everything in life so I go thru my process they take sixty days of my computation time but my status remains the same because I never been in trouble before I am o.k. but deep down inside I am sad as hell because I am in the process of being paroled and now I have a blemish for when I go see the panel I don’t really care about what happened because sometimes things happen but the part that pissed me off is that they are making me look like a racist when I am far from it a white girl took my virginity what part you missed(lol) but what I am saying is I was found guilty of something that makes me look like the person I am really not and that’s what really hurts now when I see parole that makes me look crazy.So now I took on this it is what it is attitude knowing that is really not even my style. I am hurting inside it’s bad enough just making your plans to be released the dynamics of that are a beast of it’s own kind from both sides in and out without someone doing unnecessary things to get you jammed up.I am still blessed to have a good job though and I can work on earning 11days off my max sentence every month some people look at me like you just got here and you already got a job yeah I be chilling I just got caught up in some b.s. I will be o.k.
Insight to me:by Antwan Hood
I have said that I am an emotional person but here is the spill to what makes me the way I am.When I was younger I was abused when I was a child by the same people who were supposed to be there to protect you and tell you right from wrong it was my father and my uncle it was something that a child does not understand at that age you don’t know what the hell is going on.I remember it like it was yesterday the first time it happened but you don’t know what’s going on your just a kid but what about the adults in the house did they know what was going on if they did what did they do about it did that lead to the abuse that was to come in the future by the hands of my own father the abuse from him was a terrible cycle every type of abuse you can conjure up took place it was all bad but the mental abuse was a compounding issue the fucked me up to this very day consistently being told you ain’t shit you a fuck up you don’t know how to talk to people that type of stuff takes a toll on you I tried to mask it with drugs weed PCP excasty pills drinking I stuck to just the weed and beer but in the long run that just really made me numb to what was going on in the world and missing out on a lot of good opportunities and relationships I am a loner by circumstance not choosing to be a social butterfly but I am a very humble and loyal person to whoever I befriend but I have respect for everyone I get that from my teachers from grades 4-7 I credit them for instilling that in me from a young age I love them women from the bottom of my heart without them I might of been a tho sand times worse a majority of the charges on my background wouldn’t describe the type of person I really am I can charge you with some crimes that does not tell you what type of person someone really is.I am tender a real softie at heart but you wouldn’t know that because I tend to stay to myself I like watching this is us, charmed , celebrity wife swap .I get teary eyed when some thing touches a nerve I’m not a bad dude I just have to get back on track and try something other then selling drugs and I will be o.k. I just got my high school equivalencey in 2015 so I want to see how that will help me out when I get released plus there are a few things I want to try out on my own I just need to get me a job first and I’ll be o.k. I don’t have any kids to take care of and I am only 35 my father died last year and I feel like a total different person like I am happy that he is not around to be a asshole to anybody anymore it is what it is that is the way that I feel I just want to move forward and enjoy the rest of my days after being locked up for 5 years in a youth corrections and 5 in a real prison your perspective on a lot changes I don’t owe anyone anything nobody owes me either I owe it to myself to tap into my greatness and find happiness
Thank you for you time and have a nice day.
Categories: Antwan Hood