Part 1

living on fat pockets on flat with the gat ,Rollin around nine deuce Cadillac , still got my homies to watch my back ,and they’ll smoke your ass if you wanna come chat , hollow point shells hard to swallow why wallow,I put the clip in the colt .45 bring your ass on kickin’ dust on your head as the gat busts ,shit I still stand tall with the hill clan ya’ll better step back your gonna fall , I’m comin ‘out blasted like Yosemite sam
– cypress hill ,when the shit goes down

“Why don’t you just kill yourself” the voice was low and mean spirited. It was female.
Travis was sitting there with his eyes closed. He was basking in the sun thinking about the dream he had of freckles. She was walking with him on some exotic landscape that looked completely alien. There were rockets going up and coming down. Strange geysers were shooting some kind of unidentified liquid high up into the sky.
Now this mean message shattered his concentration. He hesitated to open his eyes and see who was making this dark suggestion. Finally he let his lids roll up to expose this intruder. He was very surprised. When he stood up and looked down at her he saw she barely rose above his waist. She had long stringy yellow hair and a pale face with brilliant blue eyes beaming out from the white glare of her cheeks , which were sprinkled with freckles. But this was not his freckles.
” How old are you ?”” he asked her.
” Eight. I’m not old like you.” she stood there with her hands on her hips in a defiant stance. She stared at him with those cold blue eyes.What the hell was she doing? “I live across the street. We moved in last week. I know your the crazy guy who runs around looking for some freckled woman. I don’t know why you bother . If she liked you , you would’nt have to look for her”
” She likes me. I am not sure why I can’t find her. She might still be mad. We had a argument awhile ago so now I can’t find her.”
“If I was you I’d just shoot myself. That way you could go find her in the spirit world. It is easier to find someone over there.” she leered at him to see how he would react.She seemed to be enjoying watching how uncomfortable he was. A slight smile left a small slanted sliver across her face.
“Really. What do you know about the spirit world?”
” I know when we dream we are connected to it. That is a window into the dead and their ghost.”
” I see freckles in my dreams. She talks to me in the dreams. We walk and talk and hold hands and watch the sky as the wind blows around loose leaves and misty fog.”
They walked around to the main road. She had found him sitting there at the edge of the woods. Now as they walked she her folded her arms casting him glances of keen interest. She had been watching him pace the street asking people about this freckles woman. After awhile the story about this emerged as her mom talked to a neighbor. He was a schizophrenic who had delusions especially about this freckled lady. She started to feel a little sorry for him but also had a mischievous sense of humor. For her young age she was fairly sagacious. Her father left them when she was only a baby and her mother has been raising her alone.This means she has become used to amusing her self as a only child and being left alone into the day and evenings while her mom worked. Her mother could not afford a baby sitter. She learned how to make her own food and face any fear she had about being alone . The boogie man wasn’t getting her. They kept a .38 revolver in the house and she was taught how to use it. This gave her a sense of independence and fearlessness most little kids don’t have. And when she learned about the crazy guy across the street she saw an opportunity to make a friend. She thought he was cute anyways so it could be fun.
Travis looked down at the tiny girl effortlessly keeping stride with him. He wasn’t sure what to make of her. And after his doctor tried convincing him some of his thoughts and ideas may appear outwardly in this world they weren’t always real he wondered if she was real or a delusion.
Something caught his attention as they turned on Maple street. He saw a flash of dark hair and a olive shade cheek with what appeared to be freckles. He broke off in a sprint leaving his miniature companion behind. He needed to see where she went. This was one of the more hopeful glimpses he has had in awhile. She must be back. He panted and swung his arms wildly about trying not to let her out of sight. A car was coming down toward him and he thought it stopped where she was walking but trees and parked vehicles obstructed his view.He stopped and panted bent over with his hands on his knees. He was profusely sweating.The car swung open and the lady got in and disappeared. “No! ” he yelled “No No! ”
“Alright, I’m coming over tonight and bringing the gun. I’m going to show you the spirit world.” the little girl smiled.
” what’s your name ?”‘ he asked
” Sara , I know yours is Travis ”
” That’s freckles actual name, Sara… But I just call her freckels.”

Later that night Travis lay on his bed in the dark staring out the window. The calico cat keeps jumping up onto the windowsill and whispering nonsense about different things he already had thought about. He was mad at the cat. She kept telling him about freckles but not taking him to her. He closed his eyes and started drifting off. There was only a sweet blackness that engulfed him freeing his mind from the pain and sorrow of thinking about freckles. He began sinking into this delicious dark when a repeating clicking sound started to make his mind buoyant raising it back to this terrible waking world. Click , , click… What the hell was it? click. He opened his eyes and saw a small shaded figure hovering over him. He just stared at the shape which was sitting atop his legs. They were facing him with their legs to either side of his own.

Travis Smith
DOC #529433