Hey this is my 1st time ever blogging, I hope my thoughts can captivate some understanding ears,
Why is it that hurt people hurt people? Do they understand what’s going on? Do they care? Going through this journey I’ve experienced being hurt. But I ask myself have I been the one hurting those all a long. From the children we have as boys, to the relationships we have as inexperienced growing men. How come as a inmate I can’t understand why we’re targeted for displacing hurt and anger. Unanswered phonecalls, Stood up visits, Bonds you try to form with the kids we really didn’t see. Speaking specifically about the kids we didn’t see. Does the actions we took as men/woman to place us in confined time justify the missing day. Especially as a man who grew up with no men or even sometimes no woman (mother). Do we displace the alluded figure on those we have under us. And are we broken when we say we are complete. I struggle with the thought of why every relationship that was formed before incarceration is not sustainable. A lot of black men suffers from this vicious cycle of just doing what is projected upon to us. I saw very few adults in the household, I was taught that when mommy or daddy wasn’t in the household they were going to get it. The guys on the corner was not strangers but friends allies family members fathers mothers. So the screams, shattering of glasses and hearts and feelings and chaotic everyday life becomes normal. So those are the same relationships we are drawn to. Experiencing this for the 1st time I never seen how to heal or how to understand what I’m doing is wrong. Can hurt people heal? Or is they just subjected to the same cycle?
For help to answer some of the questions I displayed in this blog you can contact me through jpay.com or leave a comment helping to build clarity on these thoughts
Christopher Howze
DOC #A750-715
I was like you one time a young man your story is similar to mine growing up. The only difference between me and you I never got caught. This is not to sound critical of you but to only belay a Truth. I struggled for over half my life trying to find out who I was. I got caught one year on a federal weapons charge, I was looking at 10 straight years in a Federal Prison, I converted a semi-automatic into an automatic.
My best advice to you young man is to put these three words in your heart, ” God is Eternal”. If you do that your life will change before your eyes. I am not a church, not a pastor just someone who let someone find me a common man. Faith is meeting face to face in the darkness.
We are all in our own prison yours was no different then mine. I am not a religion not trying to sell you anything just giving you three words. Have a great day.
This world itself is of both side, good or evil. So I will say it is in the nature of man to hurts others…. I have also being hurt before….. Mine may not be as painful as yours but we get to figure others out and ourselves through it.. We just have to choose not to hurt others too
As children if we do not have a stable environment to grow up in then we seek to establish our identity elsewhere. We mimic what we see others do ie……my Dad smoke cigarettes, kids around me smoked cigarettes so I started smoking so did my brothers. I was molested when I was 12 and it spun me out into an arena of trying to control my destiny through bad decisions that have consequences. The people I hung with normalized my behavior when they went wrong I blamed others. It is a relationship error, man’s relation to God we shape our own destiny we become gods. Or we look at God’s relationship to man that we have a choice between good and evil its then becomes our choice to travel one path or the other. Good and evil cannot exist simultaneously at the same time. We have to choose between one or the other every second of the day. So in that respect that is why I said if you dwell on the fact God is Eternal an idea that has survived for over 5000 yrs you will change in whatever environment your in. In the Hebraic way of thinking your past is your future you can change your future by looking at your past, make sense. For sake of argument I am not Jewish, I just believe in the simple concept God’s relation to me that guides me everyday.
Our flawed and messy flesh will friend, deliver and intermingle from either our hurt, healing or happiness. Hurt deliver hurt because the happiness that once lived is depleted; hence, to extract anything but is inconceivable. Great discussions can come from this post. Keep blogging.