William Bethea

English Make Me Crazy! by William Bethea

O key. That’s it ! it’s over. I’m done ! I’ve been studyind the English language for nearly 20 years and the only thing I’ve learned is that English Make Me Crazy !

Just last week, English had my car parked in the in driveway. I was having none of that, so I jumped in my car, which was a Buick that was not quick (man, I really thought that would rhyme ! ) and drove down the parkway. I didn’t much like that either, so I paid a toll to get on the freeway. I drove past a farm that could only produce produce and got distracted by a dove that dove into a bush. This caused me to crash and I received a genarly wound on my arm so I wound a bandage around it.

At home, English isn’t treating me any better. The first thing I notice is a bass on my bass. Yes, a fish on my drum ! I shed a tear when I see a tear in my new shirt. This does incense me, so I burn some incense to calm myself, but all the smoke blew out the window because I wasn’t close enough to close it. The only thing left was to feed my pet Guinea pig, who incidentally is neither from Guinea nor a pig.

The kitchen was a house of lies ! There’s no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the humburger and no pine or apples in the pineapples. I really hope the hot dog are just more false advertising. There were English muffins that didn’t come from England and French fries that didn’t come from France. Then I found some sweetmeats which turned out to be candies and sweetbreads which are actually meat. I wouldn’t be able to satisfy my hunger here.

fortunately, my sister invited me to go to the restaurant with her and her friends. We had too many people to fit in one booth, so I ashed the hostess for two beeth. After some confusion, we were seated and had a chance to work our toothes around some food… I mean teeth. My sister told everyone that she was a humanitarian… Yikes ! I watched one friend put his feet next to his foot and another who kept putting her nose on the floor. I ashed what was the deal and my sister said, “His feet smell and her nose runs.” Oh.

As you can see, English Make Me Crazy ! It made me try to burn down my house, but I could only sit by helplessly and watch it burn up. I can’t win. There’s a slim chance that I’ll ever figure it out… or is it a fat chance ?

Sincerely,

William Bethea
# 000371779-D / 684745

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