Ghandi said ” YOU have to be the change you want to see in the world”. Or something like that.
2019! New year but as I reflect on my goals, they arent much different from last year. The things I want to change, I have no control over. So how can I be the change I want to see in the world.
I continue to work on myself; striving to be a better man than I was yesterday. Last year was probably my worst year in prison. Sadly, some of 2018’s unfortunate events will carry into 2019. The upside to that is I have a positive outlook on those things and in a better position to handle those things if things take a turn for the worst. But already this year has shown ” Its the same Ol shit (dawg) just a different day.”#Life.

This is probably the first year I didn’t come up with a resolution. I feel like I didn’t accomplish all I set out for last year and maybe some years prior. Should I succumb. I’m tired. Drained even thinking bout what life has to offer this year.

“Don’t Worry. Be happy.” Sounds like a plan. Most of my work efforts goes towards worrying about others and wanting to help if I can. Its part of who I am. Is it necessary to change that. Will that bring me happiness? Not that I’m depressed but I’m far from being “Happy”.

Started this year out with a new acquaintance. 15 minute educational and joyful conversation with someone I just met yet was willing to help and actually specializes with prison out reach. I called as a sign for new direction. Is it? Or is this going to be part of my vicious circle of life with new friends that eventually fade away. 2019 Anti Social? Fade to Black? Continue the struggling friendships with the ones I have ?

Idk about anything right now… Nothing feels new about this year besides the date. As of right now, idk what to do or which way to go. If God is giving me signs right now, I sure aint getting the message clear. Pray for me. Happy New Year.

Ali Jabbaar
DOC #623086