Before you came to see me there were a lot of things i was subjected to. Loneliness, very little self respect, & anger that would catch a mad man off guard. In the height of everyone leaving whom promised the would never is all but surprising. Yesterday being thanksgiving has only awakened truth about a few things i already knew. Love, the 4 letter word, can be confused with explictives like fuck, or shit. Really, the context of it’s usage can be confusion in itself. Love is only a complexity of chemicals like seratonin & dopamin that are heightened depending upon the direction of “love”. There’s all kinds of this 4 letter word, but the worst i’ve run into is demanding & has conditions.
In the beginning of this journey you’ve decided to make with me only has solidified Allah not giving up on me. My faith & hopes have risen to a height that couldn’t be reached staring in the rings of saturn. Nothing seems to matter in these few hours except our interactions, & nothing ever does. You’ve excepted my life as your own & erased the turmoil of mine. Rightfully, you could’ve walked away based on the horrible & untrue things stated about me, but… The opposite effect has taken, you’ve embraced even deeper. As time ticks, it becomes a new portion of life that neither of us knew existed. A new feeling that we thought we’ve explored a time before, but was never introduced to. In the dawn of my darkness, this is the space you appear in & fill many voids that were left open. We’ve been manipulated into a deeper pool of something we thought was genuine until we’ve been formally introduced. My heart beats a different tune that has a melody it has never sung before.
As i chew on every word & expression you deliver, i capture it as if this were the last encounter. Devoured by your beauty, the hours begin to pass like minutes. I wouldn’t trade this feeling for any monetary value. We both know this is a safe but invaded place where things are limited. Most of things i harbor are recklessly unguarded by an emotion that could be conjured by almost nothing. You keep this under immense control that you have no idea you’re responsible for. My life has been in utter devastation since the beginning of her end. My best friend, mother, father, teacher, & life coach has come to her rest. She invested so many things in herself that she only passed down to me. The honor to have have her strength in my DNA is something that i’ve never been able to show gratitude for. You remind me of her, you just don’t know it yet. I’ve never told you, but from the things i’ve shown you thus far will only deepen the intimate part of our interactions. The traction i’ve given you has made so many grooves in my earth that has planted seeds that have sprouted in your own. Don’t let these words confuse you, love like this cannot be erased or replaced. As we stare at each other, nothing seems to matter anymore, sometimes i don’t want it to. Most of it is consumed by drinking in the details of your features as if there were a possibility that i would never see them again. I’ve never been fit for this outfit that i sit in, but blame no one but fate. The design for this life sometimes has no sense of humor when it comes to lessons that need learned. At the end of the melody, the symphony is never complete, but no songs were ment to be sung forever. As the gates open, i can feel your sadness through this concrete & steel as if you were entering. Nothing has been better than this, it’s like being reborn again. I can’t swim, but could tread your waters with the ease of an olympic swimmer. This is only the beginning though… We’ve silently let each other know that this will never end. How did we get here? Since we’re here, let us not divide the factor of trust we built that was shattered by so many. In our hearts, this union will never divide, even at the end of the visit.
Dennis J. Watson
Categories: Dennis Watson