After all this time you’d figure this would be a learning experience for some, but my interactions with weak individuals would beg to differ. The age of love is lost, no one even acknowledges this feeling anymore. Anything to demean, weaken, tear down, or embarass is at the top of the menu. I feel like this is the best learning experience i could’ve endured. Unlike a lot of people in prison, despite the anger, confusion, & misunderstandings, i still believe in the light that love gives off. I’ve even fought for the love of my biological mother that i feel i’ll never receive. You’d think that i was hateful by now & bitter toward women, but in fact it’s the opposite. I consider myself an adonis f woman, & she knows who she is.
I spoke to someone today & it just let me know what i used to be. When you become bitter about what someone else doesn’t do for you. I understand what this is fully, but when it bothers you, it becomes a problem. No one is obligated to do anything, but when you say something out of your mouth you eternalize it. Meaning, you breathe life into your words that die when certain things never get done. We’re already experiencing a piece of death, so when you become forgotten, it’s just like being in a box. The thing worse than that, is the person you had the most faith in lets you rot in this box. In actuality, i kinda enjoy the fact that my mother’s side of the family doesn’t acknowledge my existence. I am the only one strong enough to be called at 3:00 a.m. because you got a problem that you can’t handle. I’ve been called everything from a thug, hoodlum, hooligan, to an outright killer. This is the same people i would protect with my own life. My eyes are wide shut, meaning, pay attention to the things you see, but don’t let them destroy you. Everyone has a motive about something, everyone… Whether it’s pure or nefarious, they have one. I have one, to be honest beyond sparing anyones feelings even if it makes you look at me differently. Bottom line, respect is the 1st factor, mainly for self. Because of you don’t have it, how can you ever show it to anyone?
Last time i checked, i came out of one hole during birth. Honestly though, the way my mother treats me , I feel like i was hatched. I’m a father & love my babies, so i couldn’t imagine not having a bond with someone i carried for 9 months. At the climax of that last sentence, thank you Esther Valerie Grier for giving birth to me, but what do i owe you… Love? Something this sacred shouldn’t be given to someone like a payment. Forced on someone like a bill, or manipulated into getting like hypnotizm. It should be natural, effortless, & it should feel it’s coming from a genuine place. This is why i constantly look in the mirror, & all debts have been paid, so what do i owe you?
Dennis J. Watson