so I just started the new job I’ve been “kiting” for for the last five months.
now if you don’t know what “kites” are, there basically the official way inmates have to correspond with the diffrent departments here at the institution. there like letters you can send to diffrent offices within the prison, like mail.
if you want to ask your case manager a question, you gotta kite ’em.
wondering about whether or not you can get on the soccer team? kite the recreation department.
or if your like me, and want one of the cushiest jobs the institution has to offer, kite the mental health department, and ask for one.
now the thing with level 3 facilities like this one, (as opposed to lower level security prisons), is that you WANT a job here. mainly because your locked down all the time . like, I only get out for 3 hours a day here. and that time fluctuates between the morning, afternoon, and evening. for instance, today was my tier ( 3rd tier) time to come out for the morning day room (which is 7am to 10am).
that’s all anyone gets out of their cells here. 3 hours at a time. and In that time you have to use the phone, take care of any business you have, work out, And use the shower. UNLESS you have a job.
now here’s the things about prison jobs.
EVERY job here has a “fringe benifit.”
for instance, if you work in the chow hall, your benefits are being able to steal stuff you can take back to the cell block and sell. and based on whatever job you have there in the chow hall,that dictates the kinds of things you have access to to steal. plus, they feed all the chow hall workers all the extra food that left over that day. so working at the chow hall is a good job for someone who doesn’t have a lot of support out there in the real world.
there are other jobs In the chow Hall that have other benefits. table wipers for instance, which are guys who have to wipe the tables down after people eat at them, they have the benefit of having access to every block (And potentially every inmate) in the prison. so if your trying to get word, or do some deal, or find some “stuff” that you heard is on the other side of the prison (people you wouldn’t normally have the chance to even see), it would probably behoove you to talk to a table wipe.
or there’s the recreation department. so if your just a sporty ass dude who likes playing sports or working out a lot, that’s probably a good fit for you.
but being a porter in the mental health department? oh, my, fucking, stars…..
OK, for one, the mental health department is occupied by a number of mental health department workers, who all happen to be really nice women around my age, some a little younger (and one really creepy old guy who keeps asking me “how’s it hanging”, and calling me “big guy.”)
but that’s neither here nor there.
the fringe benefit of working there is the “girl trash.”
yes,you heard me right- girl trash.
which is basically the trash that the mental health chicks throw away In those little tiny trash cans kept next to their desks.
now I had no idea that girl trash even existed! I mean, I knew about girls of course, and trash. and I knew that girls threw away trash,much like anyone els in the world.
but I never put it all together in a way that made sense until just yesterday, when I looked into one of the tiny little trash cans that I had to clean, and saw the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen:
it was a half eaten nacho bell grande from Taco Bell. and it. was. DELICIOUS!
so apparently girl trash is an actual thing, well known throughout every institution of the land.
and as oppose to guy trash, which is usually(and most probably)spit on, beat up, or just generally suspicious,Girl trash is barely ever touched.
were talking subway sandwiches neatly wrapped up in there original packaging, gummie bear’s, and a fuck ton of sun chips!
& the other guy I work with has been there for so long, he has it down to science!
he knows the food preferences( as well as allergies)of each girl. their eating habits. And even when and what they collectively crave at certain times during the month (if you catch my drift.)
which, yes. granted. that sounds like some red flag, “do you remember the lambs?”, stright up Hannibal lecture, SHIT, but its not like has has all that shit written down in a small notepap like some crazed psychopath. its just stuff he happened to pick up over the years.
for Instance, Karen, the blond one, LOVES sweets, but she’s on a diet. the same diet, from what I’m told, shes been on for like the last two years. so when Karen buys cake, or cookies, or, if she’s feeling especially spontaneous, cheesecake from one of the local luncheon places they all go to, she only gets to about bite number three until Her guilty conscious kicks it, And she neatly wraps it back up and throws it away in her cute little office trash can, which we IMMEDIATELY “clean.” (or rather just take the plastic bag containing their girl-trash goodies And replace it with another bag.)
or take Debbie, the slightly older mental health lady who happens to be one of the biggest sluts I’ve ever seen……for CHIPS that is!!!!
were talking sun chips, cool ranch Doritos, salt and vinegar Pringles, and just a fuck ton of cheesy puffs!
legend has it, this broad has a WHOLE cabinet drawer committed to her salty obsession.
this broad LOVES chex mix, but hates both the miniature bread sticks And those flat brown crunchy things. which me and Dan don’t mind eating, AT ALL!
and don’t get me started on the creepy guy!
Dan, my co-worker, seems to think he throws things away just because he knows we take it, and likes to watch us shamelessly eating his refuse for his own personal, and possible sexual, enjoyment. and has since sworn off all edible food things from his particular trash can, no matter HOW exclusive the item seems.
yes, today was my mental health department training day. and I think Im beginning like this job already.
Categories: Justin Oliver